A week of...

This has been an eventful first week of summer.

Some finals were taken on Monday and the results are as follows:

3 A's and 2 B's

I'm going to be working hard to get all A's next semester, B's don't sit well with me.

Then on Tuesday I took Abby's Senior Pictures.  Some of my favorites:

It's hard for me to pick though, because I really loved them all.  It was my first senior picture shoot and I think that it went really well.  Kutos go out to Abby for being a wonderful model/ guinea pig for my photography madness :)

You can find the rest of Abbys pictures here

Then on Wednesday I had a photo shoot at Daycare with my mom's kids for her graduation board.  I was taking their 'headshots'

For some reason it flipped the picture when I attached it and it wouldn't let me turn it the right way.  So enjoy the sideways version.







It was a little dificult photographing two year olds, but I had some fun with it.

And today I did a little shopping and went to the birthday party of my favorite little girl; Zoey Jane.

Life is well in my world, and summer is here so I am a happy gal.  Pool time, Tans, and bleached hair shall commence.

Fast Fowarding

These past few months have felt like a huge blur, and it seems like all of the memories are melding together into one big pot where its hard to distinguish one thing from another.  I can't figure out if its a good thing or not, but I'm still enjoying it nonetheless.

As you all know, mothers day was this past weekend.  And after looking through our family pictures from that day, I realized just how odd and dysfunctional my family is in a wacky loving kind of way.

If you know my family at all, you know that we are all very jokey and loving and a generaly happy bunch.  But we look so peeved in most of our photos, and we look like we pretty much hate eachother.  Its a good laugh, but I wish we could capture who we really are as a family.  Laughs and giggles, full of love and affection in our own off-kilter kind of way.

I had a funny realzation on Sunday though, I am a half mother too!  haha.  We were all taking pictures outside, and our dog Chloe (the one who just had the puppies) walked up and posed with us.  We were all laughing, and I realized, well hey, shes a mom too, she deserves to be in the Mother's day pictures.  And I have a darling puppy, Dudlee, and I call myself his mommy.

So we took our mother-puppy pictures as well.  I've realized that I'm sure going to miss him next year.  We've bonded a lot, and although I never really thought that you could form that close of a bond with a pet; I have with my pup. 

I'm also going to miss...

Random dance parties with best friends, that end in stomach grabbing, bent-in-half laughing, chairs being pulled out, and bonding over the smiles and dance moves.

Befriending the most shy girl in the class, and helping her to come out of her shell.  I absolutley adore this girl now, and we're bffs on the playground.

Going to church; the same one I've been going to for almost nineteen years now.  I'm a little frightened of trying to horn my way into a new church family, and I know it'll all work out, but it's hard leaving the comforts you've spent your whole life building.

But life has been good lately.  School's almost out, summer is upon us, and I'm a happy girl.

Money

Money, money, money.  It makes the world go round.

B L E H

May I tell you, I am so freaking sick of money.  I'm sick of looking for a new job so I can get more hours, so I can work more; make more money; and then save it.  I'm sick of trying to find different avenues of financial aid to pay for ridiculously high-priced college.  I'm sick of figuring numbers, and then re-figuring numbers to try and figure out how much I need to save this summer.  I'm sick of driving by Hy-Vee and groaning as I read the lit red letters that read 3.79 for one gallon of gas.

MY LIFE: has officially become about money.  and I hate it.  Yes, hate.

I'm always thinking about money, and how if I made more money I could do this, or if I had more money then I could do that.  I need to get such and such amount of money to do this etc etc etc...  It goes on and on and on.  And I can just hear the voices now 'well thats just adulthood Sandra, this is part of growing up'

b o l o g n a

Yes I understnad that part of growing up is having bills and a job and learning responsibility.  But its also about living you life, and having new experiences, and doing something stupid because hey, your only twenty once.  Its about falling in love, eating what you shouldn't, staying up late, learning useless things and learning things that really help you, and jumping into fountains in the middle of the night.  Its about growing up and learning how to really live your life.  Money is only a part of it; not what its all about.

My mom has been telling me for over a year now that I need to stop worrying about finances and trust that God will take care of me.  I didn't do it at first, but these past few months I have been.  And you know where its gotten me?  Nowhere.  No where that is, to the naked human eye.  To me; nothing has changed.  I still make minimum wage, I still am only getting little hours at work, I still have un-humanly high bills to pay, and I still pay my tithes to the Lord.  But I'm trusting.  Trusting that he has some plan for me, and some plan for my budget.  Cuz I know that my God is bigger than my wallet, and he's bigger than my paycheck.  He knows, and I don't.  So even though to me, it looks like nothing is happening in my life as I'm trusting; I know that my faith is growing and My God is planning.

So I'm trying to push money out of my mind.  And I'm trying to remember that growing up, isn't about worrying about your money and how to make more.  It's just simply not.

Progression

Life is progressing at a slow pace...  but its progressing nonetheless. 

Classes are finishing up at Scott ( t h a n k  G o d), and summer is soon approaching, and then before you know it I will be packing up the car and headed off to start my life in Florida.  Its about three and a half months until I leave I can not be more excited about it.  God totally showed me his hand of cards and I've bet all in, because I know that I am going to win (if you can understand my poker metaphor, because I played; and won, some poker this weekend)

Still, as excited as I am, there are still some things that I am trying to work out until I leave, like a job!  I'm praying and hoping that I can find a full time summer job somewhere, but who knows.  My luck is zero as of right now.  And I am also trying to spend as much quality time with my friends as I can because I know that my time for them will go from 90% to about 1 or 2% once I leave.  Thats what you get for moving 20 hours away.  So I'm soaking it all up now and enjoying the laughter, jokes, fun and even mocking that happens, because soon everything will change.

The bookends of my life here in Davenport are coming together, and this chapter of my life is soon to be closing.  And yet, its a happy time.

Egypt

Today at Daycare when it was movie time, I decided to put in Prince of Egypt.  Now I love childrens movies, but I'm mainly a Disney fan, so I don't really watch this stuff much.  Also because a lot of the childrens movies for church are really corny; no offense God.

I remember sitting in that Childrens Church room with the cartoon characters playing on the screen.  There was the tan man in sandals with brown long hair and a beard that played Jesus, and they always played out the Bible stories and everything was honky-dory.  We would watch the movies and think 'oh yay Jesus'  I never thought more of it than that and to be honest with you, I haven't watched a Christian Childrens movies since back in my Kids church days.

So today while this movie is playing I'm getting really interested in it.  This is one of those times where I'm laying on my stomach next to all the kids and shushing every two seconds so I can hear what is being said.  I was that into this movie.  Most of you know the story line: Moses hears from God to let his people go, and God tells Moses that he will lead him through it and He does.  It's a simple Bible story that you learn in Sunday School while you are young, and I've known it pretty much my whole life.

But today while I was watching this movie that I haven't seen in probably eight or nine years, I saw it in a whole new light.  Not like the story had changed, or that I had some miraculous realization about it.  But I just really saw how truely amazing God is.  How he gives you a plan for your life and helps you to accomplish that plans.  I mean, he did day after day of miracles to get these Hebrews out of Egypt.  Things that are totally unexplainable and unreal.  He can do whatever he wants if He wants to do it.

Now I don't claim to know everything there is to know about religion and about my God.  I do the best that I can and try to understand the most that my simple young mind can.  I don't have all the answers for you, and I have had my doubts.  God is working on my heart through that and I have come to the slow realization that that is why we call it faith. 

In my humanities class my teacher gave us a quote that I quickly came to dispise.  It was something like this:
              'Faith which does not doubt is dead faith'
And at first I thought this was some religous quote and I got excited but then I read it again, and I realized what this person (Unamano I think it was) was saying.  That in order to have true faith, you must doubt it.  And then I take my test, and on there is a justifiable true or false section.  And I come across the question:  What Unamano said is true in my life.

True, or False.

My answer was as follows:
False.  This is false in my life because I am a woman of faith.  I don't believe much in religion, and all the old time things of it, but what I believe in is my relationship with God.  I have faith in Him.  And I have doubted before, but I do not see my doubts as justified nor necessary.  Faith does not come from finding the truth through your doubts, faith is believing with your mind and trusting with your heart.

And to tell you the truth, I don't care if I get a zero on that question or not.  I think I very well justified why that was totally and utterly false.  You see, its hard for us as human beings to just take everything for fact.  And it is hard for me to understand why things happen the way they do, and why certain things are the way they are.  I am all about answers and all about finding out the why.  And when I could not understand, I began to pull away.

Thats when God stepped in and told me how it is.  (I've realized that God likes to tell me off a lot, and I'm thinking that maybe thats the only way I learn and listen from Him)  But he told me that He is greater than me.  And that is why I do not understand.  If I did understand than that means that my God is on the same level as me.  And I don't know about you, but I sure as heck want a God who is so far above and beyond me.  So he told me that I need to put my faith in him.  Stop seeking answers, and instead seek knowledge in Him.  And from then on, my heart has been at peace and I've been able to love and serve God without that hinderance.

I'm not quite sure how I got from the prince of Egypt to here.  But I will say this:  I am Moses.  And life is my Egypt.  God has given me this to conquer and I know that He will reach his hand down and stir things around when need be.  And for that, I stand amazed.

It's Here

The constant ache and scratch at the back of my throat, the sniffling and sneezing, dripping and stuffed up nose, the handfuls of tissues and the ever present Halls fruit breezer in my mouth can only mean one thing...

It's here.  Spring is finally here!  After long grueling months of snow and ice and ick, spring has sprung upon us and its finally time for capris and t-shirts and playing outside with the kids!  Of course there are so many other things that indicate that spring is here other than my allergies, like, driving with the windows down, wearing opened toed shoes, walking outside and not even having a second thought about a jacket, really warm days and really cold nights, the beginnings of a tan, and of course my favorite, softball practice!

So I promised you this, so here it is, Roxanne.  Mine and Anna's friend at the beach.

Now some of you may say that this is mean, but seriously she was strutting her stuff all up and down the beach.  She thought that she was some hot smoking stuff.

So, I am extremely excited about leaving for Florida in four short months, but one of the sad things is that I have to give up my puppy Dudlee.  I love him very much, and I'm going to miss him, but for now we're just enjoying our good times with his neice and nephews.

Florida is creeping up on me and a lot of people have different opinions on it.  But for one final (I hope) time let me reassure you all that this has been prayed about for months, this has been discussed with God, and I am 100%  P O S I T I V E that this is his plan for my life.  I know that he has great things planned for me and that
    the WILL of God will N O T take me where the hand of God cannot protect me.

I trust in him, and I believe that awesome things are going to happen in my life.  So trust me with my decisions that I am making for my life, and know that they are MY decisions.

I am at a Zen and peaceful time in my life and I feel like no one can shake me.  I'm a rock holding firm to my foundation, and nothing you say can stop me from this freedom and happiness that God has placed upon my life.  When you final see the work of God and his plan for your life, things just fall into place, and even the things that don't fall into place, your not worried about because you know that He will take care of you.  Trust me when I tell you that there are MANY many things that I am still praying about and still trusting God that he will provide for me, and its that trust that brings me peace.

So, spring is upon us.  Softball season is almost here.  And easter is just a week and a half away.  Life is pretty much awesome.

These are a few.

So I know I usually write with some profound statements or some big epiphany that I have had, but tonight I just felt like sharing that God is good.  He is awesome, and amazing and totally the reason for my existence.  I've had a lovely weekend of hanging out with my sister and my grandparents, and its been a pretty great week as well.  I know I did one of these in the fall, but I am going to share again, because I think by doing this you are happier; because you are focusing on things that make you truely happy instead of all the things that bug you in life.   So here goes.

I love...
the warmth that spring time brings, getting ready and not wearing a coat outiside, my short hair, the fact that we have way too many dogs in this house, April, because it brings the smell of rain (not worms), job interviews that get you all hyped up and last only ten minutes, long drives through the city, music on full blast, windows down and wind in my hair, when my puppy reaches up to kiss me, knowing things about my car, walking around barefoot, hearing God, spending time with lovely people, having deep talks, sitting on stoops in rain storms, playing softball, leading a small group at youth, konwing that I'll be in Florida in four short months, wearing pretty dresses, walking around the house with yesterdays makeup and glasses, writing my blog about the love of God and his works in my life, taking pictures (though it has been a long long time since my creative side has got any juices flowing; yet they're longing to come out), playing Bass, writing in my journal, smiling at anybody, rocking out to my music and singing at the top of my lungs during a stoplight, dancing in the car, road trips, reading books written about the 'olden days', grilling out, sitting on roof tops.

These are somethings that have made me happy lately.  I hope that you'll be thinking about the things that make you happy and have a blessed rest of the weekend.