I am sitting in the living room of my new suite in Florida, posting this blog.  I look back to six months ago and I can hardly believe that I am sitting where I am right now.  It took a lot to get here and to be completely honest I never thought that it would happen.  Now here I am and its happening as I speak.

The trip down to Florida was great.  I drove and my sisters rode with me.  We stopped at hotels and restaurants, and the beach.  It was a complete blast and I was actually really excited for Southeastern, and I was quite anxious to get there.  Once I got there I met my suite mates and moved into my room and continued spending time with Tash and Mary and I would spend a little time with my suite mates.  But Monday, oh Monday is when it all hit me.

I drove Tash and Mary to the airport and said my good-byes, and as I was pulling away from the curb I could feel the tears welling in my eyes.  So I decided to be the sappy girl I am, I pulled out my ipod and I put on 'All by Myself' by Celine Dion.  And I cried and I sang at the top of my lungs as I was driving down the highway (and yes, I'm sure it was a great sight).  But then I just stopped and thought to myself, how is this helping me at all?  How is singing about how alone I am going to make me feel any better?  And I swear I just felt the calling of the Lord to put on some sort of worship music.

So I flipped through my ipod searching for a song that I felt would be good, and 'Wrap me in Your Arms' popped out at me so I put it on repeat and let it go.  It was then that the Lord began to speak to me.  Now I am quite the stubborn person, so I began to argue with God (and ya, your never going to win that fight).  But I told Him how mad I was.  How he brought me so far from home all by myself and left me feeling like this.  Why would he do that to me?  Why couldn't he just have let me stay in Iowa with all of my family and friends?  Why in the world would you want me to feel like this God?

And my God being such a patient and loving God as He is let me argue with him, or more, He let me rant at Him.  And his answer came simply;

"You need to learn to let Me and only Me support you"

You see this is my problem.  I rely on my family and my friends, I rely on the comfort of my everyday life and so I never step outside of my box.  God knew this, I did not.  I was basically so content with my relationship with God that I stopped building it.  I sat in church, I played on worship team, I talked about faith, but I was no longer seeking God with passion and fire.  Somewhere along the way I had lost it; all because of comfort and contentedness.

This is why God took me from Iowa and moved me here.  Where I can no longer rely on my family, and I can no longer rely on my friends, I can no longer rely on the ordinary.  The only person that I can rely on now is God.  And He worked this all out so that is how it would end up.

I love what our campus pastor said the other day in chapel, because it applies so infinitley to my life.  He was talking about how we go around all the time questioning and debating and fighting the question: Can I trust God?  Can I trust God?  And the answer is always Yes, Yes and 100% yes.  The question isn't can you trust God, its can He trust you?

I was sitting there saying 'God I don't know if I can trust you.  I don't know if I can do this.  I just don't know God.'  And that is so wrong because, let me map this out for you here:

GOD KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING

Even before you were formed in the womb he knew how many hairs were on your head.  He knows who you are, who knows what you need, and he knows the plan for your life.  You can guess and plan all you want, in the end God is always right.

Awhile

So ya... not going to lie, its been awhile since I last blogged.  And I'm sure the five of you that follow have been devastated (insert sarcastic face here).  But the time of summer has quickly been slipping past me without my realization and now I am almost two short weeks away from leaving home.  And not leaving home as in; I'll be home every other weekend.  Leaving home as in, pack the boxes, reserve the hotels and make your flight plans for the next visit leaving.  And let me tell you...  I am scared to death.

Things have been going good this summer.  I have been working like a maniac to try and make some money for this upcoming semester, and yet I seem to have less than when I started.  Isn't that the funny thing about money, is that it always seems to leave a whole lot faster than it comes in.  And somehow I just can't figure out where all of this money is going to.  I guess having your car break, gas prices go up, among other miscellanous things can sure dwindle the savings.

Plans are commencing for our three day journey to Florida and I'm getting pretty excited.  My best friend, sister and I are going to be road tripping it up as I head to school, and boy a road trip is never dull with us.  I'm praying for safe travels of course and hoping that my Ford dosn't live up to its name (Found on Road Dead).  Car troubles I feel are one of my biggest fears.  I mean, I'm pretty handy with a car; I know how to check and change my oil and I know how to change a tire.  But while I'm driving down the road, if I feel the engine start tumbling a little bit, or if the car shakes just a tad a million thoughts start racing through my head and the end image is me sitting on the side of the road with my car in flames next to me.  Dead serious.  I am manically afriad that my car is frequently going to burst into flames.  I guess its the creative side of me getting to work.  But still I am praying to the Lord often that I don't blow up on my way to school (or hit any more trash cans... please ask me in person for I do not want to explain this story)

Story of the Day though:  This morning it was the day after my birthday and that means that I had just had a night full of a family gathering and the memories that ensue.  That got me to thinking about all of the family times that I am going to miss because I will be living so far away.  I was getting a little sad and teary eyed and my mind just kept going across all of the bad things that come from my going to school.  Thats when TaDa (one of my favorite people at work) came in and started to talk to me.  He immediatley asked me about school and the details.  There was this girl in the office who was on the phone with her mom for about an hour or two in tears because she was so homesick she was making herself physically sick.  After she gets off the phone Tada has me go with him (rules of two counselors to one child) while he takes her in the lounge to talk to her.  While there he begins to tell her that; its hard to leave home.  That he is 3,000 miles from home and he misses his parents so much.  And then he says the one thing that is the biggest duh, but the most profound thing.

"Your supposed to miss them, they're your parents, they gave birth to you"

Right there.  I always felt so guilty about missing my parents and family.  Like it made me less of an adult.  Like I was too attached.  Like there was something wrong with me.  But there it was, its ok to miss them.
  I love Tada.  He makes my day and he makes me smile.  Its like he always knows what to say.

And then from then, all the good things about school kept popping in my head.  And now I am excited to go again.  And good news to all who know my hoarding habits; I think (besides clothes) I have like one and a half boxes of things that I am bringing.  Oh ya, I am giving myself helf therapy to fix my problem.  :)

Happy Monday.  Enjoy it.