Today in class we talked a little about parenting. Specifically we were discussing if we would let our children use media and what rules we were going to enforce with them. I said that I was not going to let my children watch a lot of TV, that they would be limited. My teacher asked me how I was going to do that? Like there was no way to control whether or not your child is going to watch TV. I told him that my child will not be in control of the remote, that if they wanted to watch it then they would have to ask and if I said no, then that means no.
My teacher then proceeded to tell me a story about how his grandchildren came to his house this past weekend and how they were terrors. Running around Wal-Mart, kicking, screaming, thowing fits, and their parents giving in and giving them whatever they want.
To this I told him that I was raised to respect my parents. Yes sir, yes ma'am. You don't talk back, you don't throw fits. And that this was how I was going to raise my children. If I told them they were not going watch TV then they weren't going to watch it. And if they threw a fit about it then they would get a time-out or a spanking.
To some, this may seem extreme. Why not just turn on the TV so your kid will shut up and be out of your hair? Just give them what they want, its not that big of a deal. Remember those children that you see at the grocery store, stomping and screaming really loud because they want the candy or the toy? And you say, why can't those parents control their kids? That is why. When you let your children dictate what they get and when they get it then they are controling you. You no longer become the authoritarian in the household, your child is.
Some would also say that when parents raise their children like this then they are going to resent their parents and be even worse children. To me, you must create a balance in your household. You can't just tell you kids the way it is and then shut them in their room for four hours a night. You need to spend quality time with them, and show them caring and love. You need to be a parent. Which means being a caregiver, and authoratative figure, a guider amongst many other things. I'm not going to tell my kids no just for the heck of it, and sometimes if they ask for something I might oblige, but I'm going to use my best judgement to decide what I should do in each situation. Whether that be a spanking, a lecture, a friendly chat, a no, or even a yes. One thing is for certain, I will demand respect from my children. Plain and simple. I am their parent. The Bible says to honor your father and mother. Honor is defined as the highest form of respect. That's biblically what we should expect from our children, and the only way they will learn that is if you enforce it.
It will be my responsibility as a parent and as a Christian to raise children that will go into the world and better society. Through their attitudes, their actions, and their relationships. The road to get there... well, that's your choice. I've made mine.
Proverbs 13:24 - "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them."
Proverbs 23:13 - "Do not withhold discipline from a child..."
Exodus 20:12 - "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you"
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
God is my Victory, and He is Here
Everybody has something that move them a certain way, and mine; like many others, is music. When I hear a certain song, or think and reflect on the lyrics it has a way of moving my soul. God knows this about me, and tonight when I was thinking about all of the bad things that are going on my life he put this song in my head. One that I just learned a few months ago for worship team, but one that I had fallen in love with. The song just stuck in my head and I knew that I had to go listen to it.
So I laid down on my bed with my Bible and my ipod, ready to listen to it while I did my devotional reading. But as the song began playing, I just closed my eyes and laid my head in my hands and listened to the words that were pouring into me.
This is my prayer in the Desert
when all thats within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
my God is the God who provides
This is what was on my heart tonight, and for along while previously. I have many things in my life that I wish were happening and going, but yet I feel like nothing is moving along. And I sit and I dwell on these things and I feel like my life is somehow incomplete, or my life is somehow not good enough until these things start to happen. In my mind, nothing is well until I get what I feel I need. And yet somehow, even when God gives me some of the desires that I long for, there is still a long grocery list there for me to count off from.
Then, the bridge of the song came on. And I knew these words were for me:
all of my life, in every season, you are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship
Over and over again I heard them singing those words and I realized just how selfish I was being.
Yes, I may not have a job, I may be single and getting nowhere nearer to my dream of being married, I may feel far from home, I may feel alone sometimes, but there are still things to praise about. I have a suite full of amazing God-fearing women who are inspiring me and moving me to be the woman of God that I know I can be. I am at a school where I can feel God moving in my life more than ever, I have food to eat, I am getting a fantastic education, I live in a country where I won't be killed for my faith, I'm getting plugged in at an amazing church, and I'm getting involved in an awesome ministry... On and on and on the list goes. In EVERY season, HE is still GOD. That doesn't change because you have a bad day, or because things don't go your way. There are so many other amazing things that God has done and is doing in my life, and all I can focus on is what isn't happening.
Phillipians 4:8 says this "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things"
I love the Lord my God with all of my heart, and I know that he has this amazing plan for me. My God is the God who provides, and He has provided abundantly for me. My fears about tomorrow shouldn't stand in the way of my praise today.
I love what Pastor Jason Burns said at Access on Sunday
"What you fear, sets the boundaries for your freedom."
All I know is that I want complete and total freedom in my Father, and that can only be done by giving up my fears and anxieties of what I think I need and giving it up to him.
Phillipians 4:5-6 "The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
So I laid down on my bed with my Bible and my ipod, ready to listen to it while I did my devotional reading. But as the song began playing, I just closed my eyes and laid my head in my hands and listened to the words that were pouring into me.
This is my prayer in the Desert
when all thats within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
my God is the God who provides
This is what was on my heart tonight, and for along while previously. I have many things in my life that I wish were happening and going, but yet I feel like nothing is moving along. And I sit and I dwell on these things and I feel like my life is somehow incomplete, or my life is somehow not good enough until these things start to happen. In my mind, nothing is well until I get what I feel I need. And yet somehow, even when God gives me some of the desires that I long for, there is still a long grocery list there for me to count off from.
Then, the bridge of the song came on. And I knew these words were for me:
all of my life, in every season, you are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship
Over and over again I heard them singing those words and I realized just how selfish I was being.
Yes, I may not have a job, I may be single and getting nowhere nearer to my dream of being married, I may feel far from home, I may feel alone sometimes, but there are still things to praise about. I have a suite full of amazing God-fearing women who are inspiring me and moving me to be the woman of God that I know I can be. I am at a school where I can feel God moving in my life more than ever, I have food to eat, I am getting a fantastic education, I live in a country where I won't be killed for my faith, I'm getting plugged in at an amazing church, and I'm getting involved in an awesome ministry... On and on and on the list goes. In EVERY season, HE is still GOD. That doesn't change because you have a bad day, or because things don't go your way. There are so many other amazing things that God has done and is doing in my life, and all I can focus on is what isn't happening.
Phillipians 4:8 says this "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things"
I love the Lord my God with all of my heart, and I know that he has this amazing plan for me. My God is the God who provides, and He has provided abundantly for me. My fears about tomorrow shouldn't stand in the way of my praise today.
I love what Pastor Jason Burns said at Access on Sunday
"What you fear, sets the boundaries for your freedom."
All I know is that I want complete and total freedom in my Father, and that can only be done by giving up my fears and anxieties of what I think I need and giving it up to him.
Phillipians 4:5-6 "The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
I will bring praise, I will bring praise, no weapon formed against me shall remain, I will rejoice, I will declare, God is my victory and HE IS HERE
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Take me where You please
And these three remain
FAITH
HOPE
and LOVE.
I am a hard headed person. And I know that it takes a lot to get through to me. A LOT. Because when I want something, I want it. I'll stop at nothing until I've reached my goal. And I do this thing, where I put all of these stipulations on my life. I want this, and I'm going to do that. This is how my life is going to be. And God says, no.
Proverbs 16: 9
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.
I'm sitting here telling God (and do you realize how not smart it is, when you are telling the almighty God something) the way I want my life to go. I'm demanding this and saying that I need this. I'm saying that come four years down the road, this is where my life will be. And God is just sitting there shaking his head at me.
HE made me. HE has a plan for me. But my thick head can't comprehend that. Which is why God has to break me. Utterly and completely break me, before I listen. And so he has.
Sitting at renew on Tuesday I could feel His presence. It was one of those worship times where instead of singing and shouting his praise, I felt like I was supposed to sit back and enstill myself in the presence of the Lord. So I laid my head back against the wall, closed my eyes and let the glory of my Father wash over me. I didn't know this then, but I realize now that He was preparing my heart. I've had a lot running through my mind lately and its hard for me to push it all out while listening to sermons. But during this praise and worship time I could just feel my mind being washed and becoming an empty slate for God to write His words on. So by the end of worship time my heart was ready to get completely wrecked by God.
Chris Owen comes up, and starts talking about Charath. And charath means to be cut down to size. He spoke on the story of Elijah and all that he had to go through before he was at the place that God wanted him to be. I think one of my favorite things that he said was, "Sometimes God will dry up the rivers in your life in order to get you to move somewhere else." But throughout this sermon I knew it was me. I knew that God wanted me to hear this. And it wasn't any specific thing that he had said, or a certain emotion that I felt, I think it was just the state of my heart; but leaving the coffee shop all I felt like doing was crying. I just felt like sitting down and balling my eyes out.
What I realize is this:
My life is not my own. I was made for a purpose, and I was made with a plan. I'm holding onto the rope of my life so tightly that I'm leaving no room for God to place His hands and take over. All I keep saying is, its mine, its mine, its mine when God is telling me to give it to Him and He'll take care of it all. So, here it is. I'm giving it up, and laying it down. My life is yours, take me where you please.
I'll leave you with some songs that God has been putting on my heart:
Your thoughts are higher than mine. Your words are deeper than mine. Your love is stronger than mine. This is no sacrifice, here's my life.
Your will above all else, still my purpose remains. The art of losing myself in bringing you praise. My heart and my soul Lord I give you control, consume me from the inside out.
FAITH
HOPE
and LOVE.
I am a hard headed person. And I know that it takes a lot to get through to me. A LOT. Because when I want something, I want it. I'll stop at nothing until I've reached my goal. And I do this thing, where I put all of these stipulations on my life. I want this, and I'm going to do that. This is how my life is going to be. And God says, no.
Proverbs 16: 9
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.
I'm sitting here telling God (and do you realize how not smart it is, when you are telling the almighty God something) the way I want my life to go. I'm demanding this and saying that I need this. I'm saying that come four years down the road, this is where my life will be. And God is just sitting there shaking his head at me.
HE made me. HE has a plan for me. But my thick head can't comprehend that. Which is why God has to break me. Utterly and completely break me, before I listen. And so he has.
Sitting at renew on Tuesday I could feel His presence. It was one of those worship times where instead of singing and shouting his praise, I felt like I was supposed to sit back and enstill myself in the presence of the Lord. So I laid my head back against the wall, closed my eyes and let the glory of my Father wash over me. I didn't know this then, but I realize now that He was preparing my heart. I've had a lot running through my mind lately and its hard for me to push it all out while listening to sermons. But during this praise and worship time I could just feel my mind being washed and becoming an empty slate for God to write His words on. So by the end of worship time my heart was ready to get completely wrecked by God.
Chris Owen comes up, and starts talking about Charath. And charath means to be cut down to size. He spoke on the story of Elijah and all that he had to go through before he was at the place that God wanted him to be. I think one of my favorite things that he said was, "Sometimes God will dry up the rivers in your life in order to get you to move somewhere else." But throughout this sermon I knew it was me. I knew that God wanted me to hear this. And it wasn't any specific thing that he had said, or a certain emotion that I felt, I think it was just the state of my heart; but leaving the coffee shop all I felt like doing was crying. I just felt like sitting down and balling my eyes out.
What I realize is this:
My life is not my own. I was made for a purpose, and I was made with a plan. I'm holding onto the rope of my life so tightly that I'm leaving no room for God to place His hands and take over. All I keep saying is, its mine, its mine, its mine when God is telling me to give it to Him and He'll take care of it all. So, here it is. I'm giving it up, and laying it down. My life is yours, take me where you please.
I'll leave you with some songs that God has been putting on my heart:
Your thoughts are higher than mine. Your words are deeper than mine. Your love is stronger than mine. This is no sacrifice, here's my life.
Your will above all else, still my purpose remains. The art of losing myself in bringing you praise. My heart and my soul Lord I give you control, consume me from the inside out.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Calling
Well, what a fun filled weekend I had with some awesome ladies. But I think the best thing of all was sitting and listening to jessie's mom talk.
We were sitting at the breakfast table this morning all talking different things and then she just began talking about Gods will for our lives and how we are servants and such. And I really loved it. You could feel the spirit of God moving through that woman and everything she said had relevance in my life. She really reminded me of how we are to live our lives ministering to others and caring for those in need.
Often, especially lately I have been struggling with the fact that I haven't felt this huge calling on my life. I've been begging God to reveal to me what His plan is and what I'm supposed to be aiming for. And slowly but surely I've realized that I've had the calling all along I was just ignoring it because I didn't think it was big enough to be a life mission. But it is! No job is too small of a job in the kingdom of God! I may not be called to go serve as an underground missionary in China, but I know what I am called to do and I know that it's going to make a difference in some lives. I know that I am going to change somebody's life and that shows me that my calling is enough.
We were sitting at the breakfast table this morning all talking different things and then she just began talking about Gods will for our lives and how we are servants and such. And I really loved it. You could feel the spirit of God moving through that woman and everything she said had relevance in my life. She really reminded me of how we are to live our lives ministering to others and caring for those in need.
Often, especially lately I have been struggling with the fact that I haven't felt this huge calling on my life. I've been begging God to reveal to me what His plan is and what I'm supposed to be aiming for. And slowly but surely I've realized that I've had the calling all along I was just ignoring it because I didn't think it was big enough to be a life mission. But it is! No job is too small of a job in the kingdom of God! I may not be called to go serve as an underground missionary in China, but I know what I am called to do and I know that it's going to make a difference in some lives. I know that I am going to change somebody's life and that shows me that my calling is enough.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
I am sitting in the living room of my new suite in Florida, posting this blog. I look back to six months ago and I can hardly believe that I am sitting where I am right now. It took a lot to get here and to be completely honest I never thought that it would happen. Now here I am and its happening as I speak.
The trip down to Florida was great. I drove and my sisters rode with me. We stopped at hotels and restaurants, and the beach. It was a complete blast and I was actually really excited for Southeastern, and I was quite anxious to get there. Once I got there I met my suite mates and moved into my room and continued spending time with Tash and Mary and I would spend a little time with my suite mates. But Monday, oh Monday is when it all hit me.
I drove Tash and Mary to the airport and said my good-byes, and as I was pulling away from the curb I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. So I decided to be the sappy girl I am, I pulled out my ipod and I put on 'All by Myself' by Celine Dion. And I cried and I sang at the top of my lungs as I was driving down the highway (and yes, I'm sure it was a great sight). But then I just stopped and thought to myself, how is this helping me at all? How is singing about how alone I am going to make me feel any better? And I swear I just felt the calling of the Lord to put on some sort of worship music.
So I flipped through my ipod searching for a song that I felt would be good, and 'Wrap me in Your Arms' popped out at me so I put it on repeat and let it go. It was then that the Lord began to speak to me. Now I am quite the stubborn person, so I began to argue with God (and ya, your never going to win that fight). But I told Him how mad I was. How he brought me so far from home all by myself and left me feeling like this. Why would he do that to me? Why couldn't he just have let me stay in Iowa with all of my family and friends? Why in the world would you want me to feel like this God?
And my God being such a patient and loving God as He is let me argue with him, or more, He let me rant at Him. And his answer came simply;
"You need to learn to let Me and only Me support you"
You see this is my problem. I rely on my family and my friends, I rely on the comfort of my everyday life and so I never step outside of my box. God knew this, I did not. I was basically so content with my relationship with God that I stopped building it. I sat in church, I played on worship team, I talked about faith, but I was no longer seeking God with passion and fire. Somewhere along the way I had lost it; all because of comfort and contentedness.
This is why God took me from Iowa and moved me here. Where I can no longer rely on my family, and I can no longer rely on my friends, I can no longer rely on the ordinary. The only person that I can rely on now is God. And He worked this all out so that is how it would end up.
I love what our campus pastor said the other day in chapel, because it applies so infinitley to my life. He was talking about how we go around all the time questioning and debating and fighting the question: Can I trust God? Can I trust God? And the answer is always Yes, Yes and 100% yes. The question isn't can you trust God, its can He trust you?
I was sitting there saying 'God I don't know if I can trust you. I don't know if I can do this. I just don't know God.' And that is so wrong because, let me map this out for you here:
GOD KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING
Even before you were formed in the womb he knew how many hairs were on your head. He knows who you are, who knows what you need, and he knows the plan for your life. You can guess and plan all you want, in the end God is always right.
The trip down to Florida was great. I drove and my sisters rode with me. We stopped at hotels and restaurants, and the beach. It was a complete blast and I was actually really excited for Southeastern, and I was quite anxious to get there. Once I got there I met my suite mates and moved into my room and continued spending time with Tash and Mary and I would spend a little time with my suite mates. But Monday, oh Monday is when it all hit me.
I drove Tash and Mary to the airport and said my good-byes, and as I was pulling away from the curb I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. So I decided to be the sappy girl I am, I pulled out my ipod and I put on 'All by Myself' by Celine Dion. And I cried and I sang at the top of my lungs as I was driving down the highway (and yes, I'm sure it was a great sight). But then I just stopped and thought to myself, how is this helping me at all? How is singing about how alone I am going to make me feel any better? And I swear I just felt the calling of the Lord to put on some sort of worship music.
So I flipped through my ipod searching for a song that I felt would be good, and 'Wrap me in Your Arms' popped out at me so I put it on repeat and let it go. It was then that the Lord began to speak to me. Now I am quite the stubborn person, so I began to argue with God (and ya, your never going to win that fight). But I told Him how mad I was. How he brought me so far from home all by myself and left me feeling like this. Why would he do that to me? Why couldn't he just have let me stay in Iowa with all of my family and friends? Why in the world would you want me to feel like this God?
And my God being such a patient and loving God as He is let me argue with him, or more, He let me rant at Him. And his answer came simply;
"You need to learn to let Me and only Me support you"
You see this is my problem. I rely on my family and my friends, I rely on the comfort of my everyday life and so I never step outside of my box. God knew this, I did not. I was basically so content with my relationship with God that I stopped building it. I sat in church, I played on worship team, I talked about faith, but I was no longer seeking God with passion and fire. Somewhere along the way I had lost it; all because of comfort and contentedness.
This is why God took me from Iowa and moved me here. Where I can no longer rely on my family, and I can no longer rely on my friends, I can no longer rely on the ordinary. The only person that I can rely on now is God. And He worked this all out so that is how it would end up.
I love what our campus pastor said the other day in chapel, because it applies so infinitley to my life. He was talking about how we go around all the time questioning and debating and fighting the question: Can I trust God? Can I trust God? And the answer is always Yes, Yes and 100% yes. The question isn't can you trust God, its can He trust you?
I was sitting there saying 'God I don't know if I can trust you. I don't know if I can do this. I just don't know God.' And that is so wrong because, let me map this out for you here:
GOD KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING
Even before you were formed in the womb he knew how many hairs were on your head. He knows who you are, who knows what you need, and he knows the plan for your life. You can guess and plan all you want, in the end God is always right.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Awhile
So ya... not going to lie, its been awhile since I last blogged. And I'm sure the five of you that follow have been devastated (insert sarcastic face here). But the time of summer has quickly been slipping past me without my realization and now I am almost two short weeks away from leaving home. And not leaving home as in; I'll be home every other weekend. Leaving home as in, pack the boxes, reserve the hotels and make your flight plans for the next visit leaving. And let me tell you... I am scared to death.
Things have been going good this summer. I have been working like a maniac to try and make some money for this upcoming semester, and yet I seem to have less than when I started. Isn't that the funny thing about money, is that it always seems to leave a whole lot faster than it comes in. And somehow I just can't figure out where all of this money is going to. I guess having your car break, gas prices go up, among other miscellanous things can sure dwindle the savings.
Plans are commencing for our three day journey to Florida and I'm getting pretty excited. My best friend, sister and I are going to be road tripping it up as I head to school, and boy a road trip is never dull with us. I'm praying for safe travels of course and hoping that my Ford dosn't live up to its name (Found on Road Dead). Car troubles I feel are one of my biggest fears. I mean, I'm pretty handy with a car; I know how to check and change my oil and I know how to change a tire. But while I'm driving down the road, if I feel the engine start tumbling a little bit, or if the car shakes just a tad a million thoughts start racing through my head and the end image is me sitting on the side of the road with my car in flames next to me. Dead serious. I am manically afriad that my car is frequently going to burst into flames. I guess its the creative side of me getting to work. But still I am praying to the Lord often that I don't blow up on my way to school (or hit any more trash cans... please ask me in person for I do not want to explain this story)
Story of the Day though: This morning it was the day after my birthday and that means that I had just had a night full of a family gathering and the memories that ensue. That got me to thinking about all of the family times that I am going to miss because I will be living so far away. I was getting a little sad and teary eyed and my mind just kept going across all of the bad things that come from my going to school. Thats when TaDa (one of my favorite people at work) came in and started to talk to me. He immediatley asked me about school and the details. There was this girl in the office who was on the phone with her mom for about an hour or two in tears because she was so homesick she was making herself physically sick. After she gets off the phone Tada has me go with him (rules of two counselors to one child) while he takes her in the lounge to talk to her. While there he begins to tell her that; its hard to leave home. That he is 3,000 miles from home and he misses his parents so much. And then he says the one thing that is the biggest duh, but the most profound thing.
"Your supposed to miss them, they're your parents, they gave birth to you"
Right there. I always felt so guilty about missing my parents and family. Like it made me less of an adult. Like I was too attached. Like there was something wrong with me. But there it was, its ok to miss them.
I love Tada. He makes my day and he makes me smile. Its like he always knows what to say.
And then from then, all the good things about school kept popping in my head. And now I am excited to go again. And good news to all who know my hoarding habits; I think (besides clothes) I have like one and a half boxes of things that I am bringing. Oh ya, I am giving myself helf therapy to fix my problem. :)
Happy Monday. Enjoy it.
Things have been going good this summer. I have been working like a maniac to try and make some money for this upcoming semester, and yet I seem to have less than when I started. Isn't that the funny thing about money, is that it always seems to leave a whole lot faster than it comes in. And somehow I just can't figure out where all of this money is going to. I guess having your car break, gas prices go up, among other miscellanous things can sure dwindle the savings.
Plans are commencing for our three day journey to Florida and I'm getting pretty excited. My best friend, sister and I are going to be road tripping it up as I head to school, and boy a road trip is never dull with us. I'm praying for safe travels of course and hoping that my Ford dosn't live up to its name (Found on Road Dead). Car troubles I feel are one of my biggest fears. I mean, I'm pretty handy with a car; I know how to check and change my oil and I know how to change a tire. But while I'm driving down the road, if I feel the engine start tumbling a little bit, or if the car shakes just a tad a million thoughts start racing through my head and the end image is me sitting on the side of the road with my car in flames next to me. Dead serious. I am manically afriad that my car is frequently going to burst into flames. I guess its the creative side of me getting to work. But still I am praying to the Lord often that I don't blow up on my way to school (or hit any more trash cans... please ask me in person for I do not want to explain this story)
Story of the Day though: This morning it was the day after my birthday and that means that I had just had a night full of a family gathering and the memories that ensue. That got me to thinking about all of the family times that I am going to miss because I will be living so far away. I was getting a little sad and teary eyed and my mind just kept going across all of the bad things that come from my going to school. Thats when TaDa (one of my favorite people at work) came in and started to talk to me. He immediatley asked me about school and the details. There was this girl in the office who was on the phone with her mom for about an hour or two in tears because she was so homesick she was making herself physically sick. After she gets off the phone Tada has me go with him (rules of two counselors to one child) while he takes her in the lounge to talk to her. While there he begins to tell her that; its hard to leave home. That he is 3,000 miles from home and he misses his parents so much. And then he says the one thing that is the biggest duh, but the most profound thing.
"Your supposed to miss them, they're your parents, they gave birth to you"
Right there. I always felt so guilty about missing my parents and family. Like it made me less of an adult. Like I was too attached. Like there was something wrong with me. But there it was, its ok to miss them.
I love Tada. He makes my day and he makes me smile. Its like he always knows what to say.
And then from then, all the good things about school kept popping in my head. And now I am excited to go again. And good news to all who know my hoarding habits; I think (besides clothes) I have like one and a half boxes of things that I am bringing. Oh ya, I am giving myself helf therapy to fix my problem. :)
Happy Monday. Enjoy it.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
The Man with the Plan
So I'm sitting here at work playing with my new iPhone (ya you wish you were that cool haha) and reflecting. I can't believe the things that have happened to me in the past six months. I mean I had some low moments of pure insanity wondering if God was still here an listening. And then I had some pretty high moments where I was standing on top of a mountain holding Gods hand and shouting 'we did it!'
Needless to say, he's been there all along and he's answered my prayers better than I could've ever imagined ( that's why he's God an I'm not). I had the struggle with leaving school and he gave me the strength to endure and to make the decisions that were right for me and my path. Then there was deciding which school to go to. And me being mere human and totally dependent on my family, friends and the comfort of my life in Iowa, totally ruled out even considering SEU because it was too far away.
Of course God doesn't take no for an answer so he spent a few months proding at my heart until human me finally realized where I needed to be. Then there was my job, where I prayed and prayed to did some sort of more employment for the summer, and surely enough every lead that I had fell through and I figured God didn't care anymore. But he was just waiting so he could give me this job that totally fits my personality and it's something that I love doing. God didn't just want to provide for my needs, he wanted to make me extraordinarily happy while doing it. And thats the kind of god I serve. One that knows me better than I know myself. A god that listens and answers with better than what I asked for.
I suppose that my post today is that of encouragement. If you feel like you are struggling and God is not listening, then you are wrong my friend. He is up there in heaven with his blueprints to to your life all spread out in front of him, and as you are crying out and asking God why he doesn't care he is smiling down on you and saying 'just wait my child, just
wait'. He's there, don't worry, just trust that hes got a plan.
Needless to say, he's been there all along and he's answered my prayers better than I could've ever imagined ( that's why he's God an I'm not). I had the struggle with leaving school and he gave me the strength to endure and to make the decisions that were right for me and my path. Then there was deciding which school to go to. And me being mere human and totally dependent on my family, friends and the comfort of my life in Iowa, totally ruled out even considering SEU because it was too far away.
Of course God doesn't take no for an answer so he spent a few months proding at my heart until human me finally realized where I needed to be. Then there was my job, where I prayed and prayed to did some sort of more employment for the summer, and surely enough every lead that I had fell through and I figured God didn't care anymore. But he was just waiting so he could give me this job that totally fits my personality and it's something that I love doing. God didn't just want to provide for my needs, he wanted to make me extraordinarily happy while doing it. And thats the kind of god I serve. One that knows me better than I know myself. A god that listens and answers with better than what I asked for.
I suppose that my post today is that of encouragement. If you feel like you are struggling and God is not listening, then you are wrong my friend. He is up there in heaven with his blueprints to to your life all spread out in front of him, and as you are crying out and asking God why he doesn't care he is smiling down on you and saying 'just wait my child, just
wait'. He's there, don't worry, just trust that hes got a plan.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
A week of...
This has been an eventful first week of summer.
Some finals were taken on Monday and the results are as follows:
3 A's and 2 B's
I'm going to be working hard to get all A's next semester, B's don't sit well with me.
Then on Tuesday I took Abby's Senior Pictures. Some of my favorites:
It's hard for me to pick though, because I really loved them all. It was my first senior picture shoot and I think that it went really well. Kutos go out to Abby for being a wonderful model/ guinea pig for my photography madness :)
You can find the rest of Abbys pictures here
Then on Wednesday I had a photo shoot at Daycare with my mom's kids for her graduation board. I was taking their 'headshots'
For some reason it flipped the picture when I attached it and it wouldn't let me turn it the right way. So enjoy the sideways version.
It was a little dificult photographing two year olds, but I had some fun with it.
And today I did a little shopping and went to the birthday party of my favorite little girl; Zoey Jane.
Life is well in my world, and summer is here so I am a happy gal. Pool time, Tans, and bleached hair shall commence.
Some finals were taken on Monday and the results are as follows:
3 A's and 2 B's
I'm going to be working hard to get all A's next semester, B's don't sit well with me.
Then on Tuesday I took Abby's Senior Pictures. Some of my favorites:
It's hard for me to pick though, because I really loved them all. It was my first senior picture shoot and I think that it went really well. Kutos go out to Abby for being a wonderful model/ guinea pig for my photography madness :)
You can find the rest of Abbys pictures here
Then on Wednesday I had a photo shoot at Daycare with my mom's kids for her graduation board. I was taking their 'headshots'
For some reason it flipped the picture when I attached it and it wouldn't let me turn it the right way. So enjoy the sideways version.
It was a little dificult photographing two year olds, but I had some fun with it.
And today I did a little shopping and went to the birthday party of my favorite little girl; Zoey Jane.
Life is well in my world, and summer is here so I am a happy gal. Pool time, Tans, and bleached hair shall commence.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Fast Fowarding
These past few months have felt like a huge blur, and it seems like all of the memories are melding together into one big pot where its hard to distinguish one thing from another. I can't figure out if its a good thing or not, but I'm still enjoying it nonetheless.
As you all know, mothers day was this past weekend. And after looking through our family pictures from that day, I realized just how odd and dysfunctional my family is in a wacky loving kind of way.
If you know my family at all, you know that we are all very jokey and loving and a generaly happy bunch. But we look so peeved in most of our photos, and we look like we pretty much hate eachother. Its a good laugh, but I wish we could capture who we really are as a family. Laughs and giggles, full of love and affection in our own off-kilter kind of way.
I had a funny realzation on Sunday though, I am a half mother too! haha. We were all taking pictures outside, and our dog Chloe (the one who just had the puppies) walked up and posed with us. We were all laughing, and I realized, well hey, shes a mom too, she deserves to be in the Mother's day pictures. And I have a darling puppy, Dudlee, and I call myself his mommy.
As you all know, mothers day was this past weekend. And after looking through our family pictures from that day, I realized just how odd and dysfunctional my family is in a wacky loving kind of way.
If you know my family at all, you know that we are all very jokey and loving and a generaly happy bunch. But we look so peeved in most of our photos, and we look like we pretty much hate eachother. Its a good laugh, but I wish we could capture who we really are as a family. Laughs and giggles, full of love and affection in our own off-kilter kind of way.
I had a funny realzation on Sunday though, I am a half mother too! haha. We were all taking pictures outside, and our dog Chloe (the one who just had the puppies) walked up and posed with us. We were all laughing, and I realized, well hey, shes a mom too, she deserves to be in the Mother's day pictures. And I have a darling puppy, Dudlee, and I call myself his mommy.
So we took our mother-puppy pictures as well. I've realized that I'm sure going to miss him next year. We've bonded a lot, and although I never really thought that you could form that close of a bond with a pet; I have with my pup.
I'm also going to miss...
Random dance parties with best friends, that end in stomach grabbing, bent-in-half laughing, chairs being pulled out, and bonding over the smiles and dance moves.
Befriending the most shy girl in the class, and helping her to come out of her shell. I absolutley adore this girl now, and we're bffs on the playground.
Going to church; the same one I've been going to for almost nineteen years now. I'm a little frightened of trying to horn my way into a new church family, and I know it'll all work out, but it's hard leaving the comforts you've spent your whole life building.
But life has been good lately. School's almost out, summer is upon us, and I'm a happy girl.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Money
Money, money, money. It makes the world go round.
B L E H
May I tell you, I am so freaking sick of money. I'm sick of looking for a new job so I can get more hours, so I can work more; make more money; and then save it. I'm sick of trying to find different avenues of financial aid to pay for ridiculously high-priced college. I'm sick of figuring numbers, and then re-figuring numbers to try and figure out how much I need to save this summer. I'm sick of driving by Hy-Vee and groaning as I read the lit red letters that read 3.79 for one gallon of gas.
MY LIFE: has officially become about money. and I hate it. Yes, hate.
I'm always thinking about money, and how if I made more money I could do this, or if I had more money then I could do that. I need to get such and such amount of money to do this etc etc etc... It goes on and on and on. And I can just hear the voices now 'well thats just adulthood Sandra, this is part of growing up'
B L E H
May I tell you, I am so freaking sick of money. I'm sick of looking for a new job so I can get more hours, so I can work more; make more money; and then save it. I'm sick of trying to find different avenues of financial aid to pay for ridiculously high-priced college. I'm sick of figuring numbers, and then re-figuring numbers to try and figure out how much I need to save this summer. I'm sick of driving by Hy-Vee and groaning as I read the lit red letters that read 3.79 for one gallon of gas.
MY LIFE: has officially become about money. and I hate it. Yes, hate.
I'm always thinking about money, and how if I made more money I could do this, or if I had more money then I could do that. I need to get such and such amount of money to do this etc etc etc... It goes on and on and on. And I can just hear the voices now 'well thats just adulthood Sandra, this is part of growing up'
b o l o g n a
Yes I understnad that part of growing up is having bills and a job and learning responsibility. But its also about living you life, and having new experiences, and doing something stupid because hey, your only twenty once. Its about falling in love, eating what you shouldn't, staying up late, learning useless things and learning things that really help you, and jumping into fountains in the middle of the night. Its about growing up and learning how to really live your life. Money is only a part of it; not what its all about.
My mom has been telling me for over a year now that I need to stop worrying about finances and trust that God will take care of me. I didn't do it at first, but these past few months I have been. And you know where its gotten me? Nowhere. No where that is, to the naked human eye. To me; nothing has changed. I still make minimum wage, I still am only getting little hours at work, I still have un-humanly high bills to pay, and I still pay my tithes to the Lord. But I'm trusting. Trusting that he has some plan for me, and some plan for my budget. Cuz I know that my God is bigger than my wallet, and he's bigger than my paycheck. He knows, and I don't. So even though to me, it looks like nothing is happening in my life as I'm trusting; I know that my faith is growing and My God is planning.
So I'm trying to push money out of my mind. And I'm trying to remember that growing up, isn't about worrying about your money and how to make more. It's just simply not.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Progression
Life is progressing at a slow pace... but its progressing nonetheless.
Classes are finishing up at Scott ( t h a n k G o d), and summer is soon approaching, and then before you know it I will be packing up the car and headed off to start my life in Florida. Its about three and a half months until I leave I can not be more excited about it. God totally showed me his hand of cards and I've bet all in, because I know that I am going to win (if you can understand my poker metaphor, because I played; and won, some poker this weekend)
Still, as excited as I am, there are still some things that I am trying to work out until I leave, like a job! I'm praying and hoping that I can find a full time summer job somewhere, but who knows. My luck is zero as of right now. And I am also trying to spend as much quality time with my friends as I can because I know that my time for them will go from 90% to about 1 or 2% once I leave. Thats what you get for moving 20 hours away. So I'm soaking it all up now and enjoying the laughter, jokes, fun and even mocking that happens, because soon everything will change.
Classes are finishing up at Scott ( t h a n k G o d), and summer is soon approaching, and then before you know it I will be packing up the car and headed off to start my life in Florida. Its about three and a half months until I leave I can not be more excited about it. God totally showed me his hand of cards and I've bet all in, because I know that I am going to win (if you can understand my poker metaphor, because I played; and won, some poker this weekend)
Still, as excited as I am, there are still some things that I am trying to work out until I leave, like a job! I'm praying and hoping that I can find a full time summer job somewhere, but who knows. My luck is zero as of right now. And I am also trying to spend as much quality time with my friends as I can because I know that my time for them will go from 90% to about 1 or 2% once I leave. Thats what you get for moving 20 hours away. So I'm soaking it all up now and enjoying the laughter, jokes, fun and even mocking that happens, because soon everything will change.
The bookends of my life here in Davenport are coming together, and this chapter of my life is soon to be closing. And yet, its a happy time.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Egypt
Today at Daycare when it was movie time, I decided to put in Prince of Egypt. Now I love childrens movies, but I'm mainly a Disney fan, so I don't really watch this stuff much. Also because a lot of the childrens movies for church are really corny; no offense God.
I remember sitting in that Childrens Church room with the cartoon characters playing on the screen. There was the tan man in sandals with brown long hair and a beard that played Jesus, and they always played out the Bible stories and everything was honky-dory. We would watch the movies and think 'oh yay Jesus' I never thought more of it than that and to be honest with you, I haven't watched a Christian Childrens movies since back in my Kids church days.
So today while this movie is playing I'm getting really interested in it. This is one of those times where I'm laying on my stomach next to all the kids and shushing every two seconds so I can hear what is being said. I was that into this movie. Most of you know the story line: Moses hears from God to let his people go, and God tells Moses that he will lead him through it and He does. It's a simple Bible story that you learn in Sunday School while you are young, and I've known it pretty much my whole life.
But today while I was watching this movie that I haven't seen in probably eight or nine years, I saw it in a whole new light. Not like the story had changed, or that I had some miraculous realization about it. But I just really saw how truely amazing God is. How he gives you a plan for your life and helps you to accomplish that plans. I mean, he did day after day of miracles to get these Hebrews out of Egypt. Things that are totally unexplainable and unreal. He can do whatever he wants if He wants to do it.
Now I don't claim to know everything there is to know about religion and about my God. I do the best that I can and try to understand the most that my simple young mind can. I don't have all the answers for you, and I have had my doubts. God is working on my heart through that and I have come to the slow realization that that is why we call it faith.
In my humanities class my teacher gave us a quote that I quickly came to dispise. It was something like this:
'Faith which does not doubt is dead faith'
And at first I thought this was some religous quote and I got excited but then I read it again, and I realized what this person (Unamano I think it was) was saying. That in order to have true faith, you must doubt it. And then I take my test, and on there is a justifiable true or false section. And I come across the question: What Unamano said is true in my life.
True, or False.
My answer was as follows:
False. This is false in my life because I am a woman of faith. I don't believe much in religion, and all the old time things of it, but what I believe in is my relationship with God. I have faith in Him. And I have doubted before, but I do not see my doubts as justified nor necessary. Faith does not come from finding the truth through your doubts, faith is believing with your mind and trusting with your heart.
And to tell you the truth, I don't care if I get a zero on that question or not. I think I very well justified why that was totally and utterly false. You see, its hard for us as human beings to just take everything for fact. And it is hard for me to understand why things happen the way they do, and why certain things are the way they are. I am all about answers and all about finding out the why. And when I could not understand, I began to pull away.
Thats when God stepped in and told me how it is. (I've realized that God likes to tell me off a lot, and I'm thinking that maybe thats the only way I learn and listen from Him) But he told me that He is greater than me. And that is why I do not understand. If I did understand than that means that my God is on the same level as me. And I don't know about you, but I sure as heck want a God who is so far above and beyond me. So he told me that I need to put my faith in him. Stop seeking answers, and instead seek knowledge in Him. And from then on, my heart has been at peace and I've been able to love and serve God without that hinderance.
I'm not quite sure how I got from the prince of Egypt to here. But I will say this: I am Moses. And life is my Egypt. God has given me this to conquer and I know that He will reach his hand down and stir things around when need be. And for that, I stand amazed.
I remember sitting in that Childrens Church room with the cartoon characters playing on the screen. There was the tan man in sandals with brown long hair and a beard that played Jesus, and they always played out the Bible stories and everything was honky-dory. We would watch the movies and think 'oh yay Jesus' I never thought more of it than that and to be honest with you, I haven't watched a Christian Childrens movies since back in my Kids church days.
So today while this movie is playing I'm getting really interested in it. This is one of those times where I'm laying on my stomach next to all the kids and shushing every two seconds so I can hear what is being said. I was that into this movie. Most of you know the story line: Moses hears from God to let his people go, and God tells Moses that he will lead him through it and He does. It's a simple Bible story that you learn in Sunday School while you are young, and I've known it pretty much my whole life.
But today while I was watching this movie that I haven't seen in probably eight or nine years, I saw it in a whole new light. Not like the story had changed, or that I had some miraculous realization about it. But I just really saw how truely amazing God is. How he gives you a plan for your life and helps you to accomplish that plans. I mean, he did day after day of miracles to get these Hebrews out of Egypt. Things that are totally unexplainable and unreal. He can do whatever he wants if He wants to do it.
Now I don't claim to know everything there is to know about religion and about my God. I do the best that I can and try to understand the most that my simple young mind can. I don't have all the answers for you, and I have had my doubts. God is working on my heart through that and I have come to the slow realization that that is why we call it faith.
In my humanities class my teacher gave us a quote that I quickly came to dispise. It was something like this:
'Faith which does not doubt is dead faith'
And at first I thought this was some religous quote and I got excited but then I read it again, and I realized what this person (Unamano I think it was) was saying. That in order to have true faith, you must doubt it. And then I take my test, and on there is a justifiable true or false section. And I come across the question: What Unamano said is true in my life.
True, or False.
My answer was as follows:
False. This is false in my life because I am a woman of faith. I don't believe much in religion, and all the old time things of it, but what I believe in is my relationship with God. I have faith in Him. And I have doubted before, but I do not see my doubts as justified nor necessary. Faith does not come from finding the truth through your doubts, faith is believing with your mind and trusting with your heart.
And to tell you the truth, I don't care if I get a zero on that question or not. I think I very well justified why that was totally and utterly false. You see, its hard for us as human beings to just take everything for fact. And it is hard for me to understand why things happen the way they do, and why certain things are the way they are. I am all about answers and all about finding out the why. And when I could not understand, I began to pull away.
Thats when God stepped in and told me how it is. (I've realized that God likes to tell me off a lot, and I'm thinking that maybe thats the only way I learn and listen from Him) But he told me that He is greater than me. And that is why I do not understand. If I did understand than that means that my God is on the same level as me. And I don't know about you, but I sure as heck want a God who is so far above and beyond me. So he told me that I need to put my faith in him. Stop seeking answers, and instead seek knowledge in Him. And from then on, my heart has been at peace and I've been able to love and serve God without that hinderance.
I'm not quite sure how I got from the prince of Egypt to here. But I will say this: I am Moses. And life is my Egypt. God has given me this to conquer and I know that He will reach his hand down and stir things around when need be. And for that, I stand amazed.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
It's Here
The constant ache and scratch at the back of my throat, the sniffling and sneezing, dripping and stuffed up nose, the handfuls of tissues and the ever present Halls fruit breezer in my mouth can only mean one thing...
It's here. Spring is finally here! After long grueling months of snow and ice and ick, spring has sprung upon us and its finally time for capris and t-shirts and playing outside with the kids! Of course there are so many other things that indicate that spring is here other than my allergies, like, driving with the windows down, wearing opened toed shoes, walking outside and not even having a second thought about a jacket, really warm days and really cold nights, the beginnings of a tan, and of course my favorite, softball practice!
So I promised you this, so here it is, Roxanne. Mine and Anna's friend at the beach.
Now some of you may say that this is mean, but seriously she was strutting her stuff all up and down the beach. She thought that she was some hot smoking stuff.
So, I am extremely excited about leaving for Florida in four short months, but one of the sad things is that I have to give up my puppy Dudlee. I love him very much, and I'm going to miss him, but for now we're just enjoying our good times with his neice and nephews.
Florida is creeping up on me and a lot of people have different opinions on it. But for one final (I hope) time let me reassure you all that this has been prayed about for months, this has been discussed with God, and I am 100% P O S I T I V E that this is his plan for my life. I know that he has great things planned for me and that
the WILL of God will N O T take me where the hand of God cannot protect me.
I trust in him, and I believe that awesome things are going to happen in my life. So trust me with my decisions that I am making for my life, and know that they are MY decisions.
I am at a Zen and peaceful time in my life and I feel like no one can shake me. I'm a rock holding firm to my foundation, and nothing you say can stop me from this freedom and happiness that God has placed upon my life. When you final see the work of God and his plan for your life, things just fall into place, and even the things that don't fall into place, your not worried about because you know that He will take care of you. Trust me when I tell you that there are MANY many things that I am still praying about and still trusting God that he will provide for me, and its that trust that brings me peace.
So, spring is upon us. Softball season is almost here. And easter is just a week and a half away. Life is pretty much awesome.
It's here. Spring is finally here! After long grueling months of snow and ice and ick, spring has sprung upon us and its finally time for capris and t-shirts and playing outside with the kids! Of course there are so many other things that indicate that spring is here other than my allergies, like, driving with the windows down, wearing opened toed shoes, walking outside and not even having a second thought about a jacket, really warm days and really cold nights, the beginnings of a tan, and of course my favorite, softball practice!
So I promised you this, so here it is, Roxanne. Mine and Anna's friend at the beach.
So, I am extremely excited about leaving for Florida in four short months, but one of the sad things is that I have to give up my puppy Dudlee. I love him very much, and I'm going to miss him, but for now we're just enjoying our good times with his neice and nephews.
Florida is creeping up on me and a lot of people have different opinions on it. But for one final (I hope) time let me reassure you all that this has been prayed about for months, this has been discussed with God, and I am 100% P O S I T I V E that this is his plan for my life. I know that he has great things planned for me and that
the WILL of God will N O T take me where the hand of God cannot protect me.
I trust in him, and I believe that awesome things are going to happen in my life. So trust me with my decisions that I am making for my life, and know that they are MY decisions.
I am at a Zen and peaceful time in my life and I feel like no one can shake me. I'm a rock holding firm to my foundation, and nothing you say can stop me from this freedom and happiness that God has placed upon my life. When you final see the work of God and his plan for your life, things just fall into place, and even the things that don't fall into place, your not worried about because you know that He will take care of you. Trust me when I tell you that there are MANY many things that I am still praying about and still trusting God that he will provide for me, and its that trust that brings me peace.
So, spring is upon us. Softball season is almost here. And easter is just a week and a half away. Life is pretty much awesome.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
These are a few.
So I know I usually write with some profound statements or some big epiphany that I have had, but tonight I just felt like sharing that God is good. He is awesome, and amazing and totally the reason for my existence. I've had a lovely weekend of hanging out with my sister and my grandparents, and its been a pretty great week as well. I know I did one of these in the fall, but I am going to share again, because I think by doing this you are happier; because you are focusing on things that make you truely happy instead of all the things that bug you in life. So here goes.
I love...
the warmth that spring time brings, getting ready and not wearing a coat outiside, my short hair, the fact that we have way too many dogs in this house, April, because it brings the smell of rain (not worms), job interviews that get you all hyped up and last only ten minutes, long drives through the city, music on full blast, windows down and wind in my hair, when my puppy reaches up to kiss me, knowing things about my car, walking around barefoot, hearing God, spending time with lovely people, having deep talks, sitting on stoops in rain storms, playing softball, leading a small group at youth, konwing that I'll be in Florida in four short months, wearing pretty dresses, walking around the house with yesterdays makeup and glasses, writing my blog about the love of God and his works in my life, taking pictures (though it has been a long long time since my creative side has got any juices flowing; yet they're longing to come out), playing Bass, writing in my journal, smiling at anybody, rocking out to my music and singing at the top of my lungs during a stoplight, dancing in the car, road trips, reading books written about the 'olden days', grilling out, sitting on roof tops.
These are somethings that have made me happy lately. I hope that you'll be thinking about the things that make you happy and have a blessed rest of the weekend.
I love...
the warmth that spring time brings, getting ready and not wearing a coat outiside, my short hair, the fact that we have way too many dogs in this house, April, because it brings the smell of rain (not worms), job interviews that get you all hyped up and last only ten minutes, long drives through the city, music on full blast, windows down and wind in my hair, when my puppy reaches up to kiss me, knowing things about my car, walking around barefoot, hearing God, spending time with lovely people, having deep talks, sitting on stoops in rain storms, playing softball, leading a small group at youth, konwing that I'll be in Florida in four short months, wearing pretty dresses, walking around the house with yesterdays makeup and glasses, writing my blog about the love of God and his works in my life, taking pictures (though it has been a long long time since my creative side has got any juices flowing; yet they're longing to come out), playing Bass, writing in my journal, smiling at anybody, rocking out to my music and singing at the top of my lungs during a stoplight, dancing in the car, road trips, reading books written about the 'olden days', grilling out, sitting on roof tops.
These are somethings that have made me happy lately. I hope that you'll be thinking about the things that make you happy and have a blessed rest of the weekend.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Baggy Sweatshirts and Mis-matched Socks
Tonight when I got home after a long non-stop day of school-work-church-friends, I was in a certain mood. Today has been a busy day, and it has also been a grand day. I love it when I have good days that just put me in an awesome mood. So my certain mood was a mood of euphoric comfy happiness. And when I am content, and comfy, what I want most is my biggest baggiest most comfy sweatshirt, and my mis-matched fuzzy socks. They make me feel like I am young, and cozy. So when I got home thats what I put on, and thats what I'm wearing now.
Most days when I am at work, I get irritated with children and people, and I'm just a grouch that scolds kids all day. But today I didn't feel like scolding, today I felt like playing.
I felt like being a young spirited child and hoola hooping and jump roping. SO I DID. And I loved it. I played with the children and I laughed with them and had a grand time. It made work so much more enjoyable.
I was even in such a good mood that at movie time I went to the kitchen and got them all a snack. And usually I am putting kids in time out and telling them to stop talking and watch the movie. Today I smiled as they laughed and talked and bit the heads off of their animal crackers. And then one kid taught me how to play Blackjack, and I won.
Then I got to spend some time with my favorite people. We swang on the swings and laughed and sang, just like we used to six or seven years ago. Oh, and I won the swinging contest too.
Small groups at Youth tonight were amazing! Me and Mary went to the store and got them Cream Soda, and then we just sat outside drank our sodas, ate our M and M's and talked about God. (and swated quite a few mosquitos, I guess its time for those again!) We laughed at eachother, told stories, and had some pretty in-depth talk about God and his desires for us. It was awesome, and it left me feeling happy and filled. These girls are more than some Junior Highers to me. I'm beginning to love them. I have a special place for them in my heart and I genuinely enjoy spending time with them every week. They are some awesome people that God is going to move through.
Then afterwards we had a leader game of Football. We were yelling at eachother, and making up songs to taunt eachother (to the tune of brittney spears), and Mary was speaking in spanish all night and let me tell you; we actually played some decent football. And at the end, we both won because it was tied.
So today...
I played
I laughed
I sprinted
I danced
I was a child
I was carefree
I was in my baggy sweatshirt and mis-matched socks.
I WAS GENUINLEY HAPPY.
Its been awhile since I have had a full complete day of bliss. And it was wonderful.
As for your second update, I continued with the journal reading today. Still hilarious and eye opening. I was reading one part during nap time and it was all I could do to keep from bursting out into laughter and waking up all the children. Here are some of my favorite quotes:
"d. I could still try to break them up.
e. but I know that will do nothing.
f. But I could try to win him over.
g. but that would be betraying my best friend."
"I have to pee, and this movie is boring"
"I realized that we both have a lot in common:
- we both like cheddar and sour cream chips
- we both hate nuts on thing"
^
|
(Ridiculous right?)
"You know what I figured out? It's a little hard to play hard to get when the guy doesn't want you."
"OMG, he put his hand on my shoulder <3"
"Man I really don't feel good. What if I die? Oh no."
I've got to admit that last one is my all time favorite. That't the one that got me going at nap time. I love reading this stuff. Its like I'm reliving my adolesance (totally didn't spell that right)
Totally blissed out right now. Spring in the air, Three sleeping dogs on me, FRIENDS on the T.V., and my baggy sweatshirt and mis-matched socks.
Life is Grand. Happy Wednesday Everybody.
Most days when I am at work, I get irritated with children and people, and I'm just a grouch that scolds kids all day. But today I didn't feel like scolding, today I felt like playing.
Then I got to spend some time with my favorite people. We swang on the swings and laughed and sang, just like we used to six or seven years ago. Oh, and I won the swinging contest too.
Small groups at Youth tonight were amazing! Me and Mary went to the store and got them Cream Soda, and then we just sat outside drank our sodas, ate our M and M's and talked about God. (and swated quite a few mosquitos, I guess its time for those again!) We laughed at eachother, told stories, and had some pretty in-depth talk about God and his desires for us. It was awesome, and it left me feeling happy and filled. These girls are more than some Junior Highers to me. I'm beginning to love them. I have a special place for them in my heart and I genuinely enjoy spending time with them every week. They are some awesome people that God is going to move through.
Then afterwards we had a leader game of Football. We were yelling at eachother, and making up songs to taunt eachother (to the tune of brittney spears), and Mary was speaking in spanish all night and let me tell you; we actually played some decent football. And at the end, we both won because it was tied.
So today...
I played
I laughed
I sprinted
I danced
I was a child
I was carefree
I was in my baggy sweatshirt and mis-matched socks.
I WAS GENUINLEY HAPPY.
Its been awhile since I have had a full complete day of bliss. And it was wonderful.
As for your second update, I continued with the journal reading today. Still hilarious and eye opening. I was reading one part during nap time and it was all I could do to keep from bursting out into laughter and waking up all the children. Here are some of my favorite quotes:
"d. I could still try to break them up.
e. but I know that will do nothing.
f. But I could try to win him over.
g. but that would be betraying my best friend."
"I have to pee, and this movie is boring"
"I realized that we both have a lot in common:
- we both like cheddar and sour cream chips
- we both hate nuts on thing"
^
|
(Ridiculous right?)
"You know what I figured out? It's a little hard to play hard to get when the guy doesn't want you."
"OMG, he put his hand on my shoulder <3"
"Man I really don't feel good. What if I die? Oh no."
I've got to admit that last one is my all time favorite. That't the one that got me going at nap time. I love reading this stuff. Its like I'm reliving my adolesance (totally didn't spell that right)
Totally blissed out right now. Spring in the air, Three sleeping dogs on me, FRIENDS on the T.V., and my baggy sweatshirt and mis-matched socks.
Life is Grand. Happy Wednesday Everybody.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Beautifully Waiting
I don't usually do two posts in one day, but how I left the other post ending I would like to revisit that.
"My head is spinning in circles right now"
After that I decided that I would sit down and write for awhile. Then I was just looking around Facebook for awhile and I could feel something pulling at me. My head was still spinning in circles and I wanted in to end. And I sat there for a minute, and something told me to get my Bible out and read. Now, some of you may be under the impression that I am some sort of holy roller, but let me tell you, it is hard for me to read my Bible. I love reading it, but its a fight for me to just pick it up and read it.
So something told me to read my Bible and turn on my Worship Music playlist. And I said No. Just plainly and simply. I said, no I don't want to do that God. I don't feel like reading my Bible right now. I don't feel like trying to connect because I am just swimming in my thoughts, and there is no room in there for anything else.
But luckily, my God is a gracious God, and he simply prodded my heart again telling me that I needed to read. So I gave in switched over my itunes, and grabbed my Bible off of the shelf. I didn't know what I wanted to read, so I opened it up and began flipping. I've been thinking a lot about love lately and that is what popped in my head, and I know that 1 Corinithians 13 is the love chapter in the Bible. I have read this chapter oh, about 50 times, but I felt like I could use a little refresher on love, so thats where I turned first.
And once I get into it this pops out at me:
Love is patient.
Oh thanks God. Thanks for that little jab. Because I have not been patient. God revealed to me that he has a plan for me, and that he has wonderful things in store for me. And I am stubborn. I want to know now. I want to try and figure out God's plan and help it along. But as I read later on, in Ecclesiastes 3:7 - There is a time to be silent and a time to speak. This is not my job, this is not my plan. I don't need to help anything along. I just need to follow God, and if I'm in his will then what HE wants to happen will happen.
Then a little later: "Love trusts, always hopes, always perserveres." Trust me. Trust me. Trust ME. "Love NEVER fails". I never fail. I will give you an unfallible love that will be more than you can imagine.
After this I am still struggling. I love God. I truly do. I want to trust. I want to completely entrust my heart in his hands. But there is something holding me back. Theres this little, what if what if going on in the back of my head. What if I can make this happen? What if I did this, then I could get what I want? But then God throws this passage of scripture in my face, knowing just what I need.
Ecclesiastes 3:1
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.
HIS timing. HIS plan. HE knows.
Then on my playlist, the song 'Worship while I'm waiting' comes on. And I just sit there for a minute and I know that it is not a coincidence.
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
It was everything that God was trying to tell me. You see I had begged and begged, and God finally revealed to me about his plan. But instead of following whole-heartedly after him, I began following this plan, and this dream. And God had to bring me back to my knees to make me remember. Its because of Him that this is all going to happen.
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
So God comes full circle again and moves in my life. When I let things enroach, he totally pulls me back into his arms and loves me anyways. So for now I am trying to let go. I am trying to forget it all and focus on the one who is going to make it happen. I am waiting. More than that, I am beautifully waiting, and enjoying keeping my eyes on the father while I let him work in my life.
Ecc. 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in his time.
"My head is spinning in circles right now"
After that I decided that I would sit down and write for awhile. Then I was just looking around Facebook for awhile and I could feel something pulling at me. My head was still spinning in circles and I wanted in to end. And I sat there for a minute, and something told me to get my Bible out and read. Now, some of you may be under the impression that I am some sort of holy roller, but let me tell you, it is hard for me to read my Bible. I love reading it, but its a fight for me to just pick it up and read it.
So something told me to read my Bible and turn on my Worship Music playlist. And I said No. Just plainly and simply. I said, no I don't want to do that God. I don't feel like reading my Bible right now. I don't feel like trying to connect because I am just swimming in my thoughts, and there is no room in there for anything else.
But luckily, my God is a gracious God, and he simply prodded my heart again telling me that I needed to read. So I gave in switched over my itunes, and grabbed my Bible off of the shelf. I didn't know what I wanted to read, so I opened it up and began flipping. I've been thinking a lot about love lately and that is what popped in my head, and I know that 1 Corinithians 13 is the love chapter in the Bible. I have read this chapter oh, about 50 times, but I felt like I could use a little refresher on love, so thats where I turned first.
And once I get into it this pops out at me:
Love is patient.
Oh thanks God. Thanks for that little jab. Because I have not been patient. God revealed to me that he has a plan for me, and that he has wonderful things in store for me. And I am stubborn. I want to know now. I want to try and figure out God's plan and help it along. But as I read later on, in Ecclesiastes 3:7 - There is a time to be silent and a time to speak. This is not my job, this is not my plan. I don't need to help anything along. I just need to follow God, and if I'm in his will then what HE wants to happen will happen.
Then a little later: "Love trusts, always hopes, always perserveres." Trust me. Trust me. Trust ME. "Love NEVER fails". I never fail. I will give you an unfallible love that will be more than you can imagine.
After this I am still struggling. I love God. I truly do. I want to trust. I want to completely entrust my heart in his hands. But there is something holding me back. Theres this little, what if what if going on in the back of my head. What if I can make this happen? What if I did this, then I could get what I want? But then God throws this passage of scripture in my face, knowing just what I need.
Ecclesiastes 3:1
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.
HIS timing. HIS plan. HE knows.
Then on my playlist, the song 'Worship while I'm waiting' comes on. And I just sit there for a minute and I know that it is not a coincidence.
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
It was everything that God was trying to tell me. You see I had begged and begged, and God finally revealed to me about his plan. But instead of following whole-heartedly after him, I began following this plan, and this dream. And God had to bring me back to my knees to make me remember. Its because of Him that this is all going to happen.
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
So God comes full circle again and moves in my life. When I let things enroach, he totally pulls me back into his arms and loves me anyways. So for now I am trying to let go. I am trying to forget it all and focus on the one who is going to make it happen. I am waiting. More than that, I am beautifully waiting, and enjoying keeping my eyes on the father while I let him work in my life.
Ecc. 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in his time.
Ponderings . . .
Today I started reading a my old journals. Some of them really make me laugh because I was so young and weird. I am very bi-polar in a lot of my journal entries. Some serious comedy. I picked out a few of my favorite lines from the ones I read today:
"She can't even spell the word tomarow, what kind of ediot does that?"
"I know I said that he was dumb but I'm like, madly in love with him"
"I just want to blow people's minds!"
"She said, 'Thats not even a coincidence. That is God telling you guys to get your heads out of your butts and get on and date!'"
"I'm falling for him, I know I am. Everyday the roots are sinking deeper and deeper into my heart, wrapping themselves around and around. And I don't know whether to stop it, or to leave it be."
So that's it for todays readings but there will be more to come. I'm so happy that I decided to keep journals (even though there was slight ribbing from my friends) because even though some of them may be silly and adolecsent, I love being able to go back and read in detail what was going in my life at a certain time. Your mind is a sive and it lets so many precious moments and memories fall through it. But by keeping a journal I get to go back to all of those times and relive the moment, and I get to know exactly what was going on in my head and in my heart. I love it.
In other news...
Mary and I had a wonderful date night last night. We went to the park, and then sat out in the thunderstorm and got soaking wet. Then we talked for about five hours straight. It was some awesome wife time that I desperatly needed. She has a way of bringing out the truth; even if I am lying to myself about it.
It brought about a lot a LOT of thoughts that I'm not sure I wanted but I know I needed. You can't lie to yourself forever you know. So the sooner you can dig it out of yourself, the sooner you can examine what is really going on inside.
I know a lot of you have been reading my latest blog entries. And there has been a move of God on my life. It's kind of slowing now as the enemy is bringing things up to my doorstep and leaving them there. There is a lot going on my head and heart, and I can't tell if its from God or from satan. Part of me believes that it may be God's plan, and thats why I'm going through it. But then the other part of me thinks that it is Satan trying to lure me away from my Lord and his awesome plans that he has for me. For now I'm at a loss, and my mind is just spinning in circles.
"She can't even spell the word tomarow, what kind of ediot does that?"
"I know I said that he was dumb but I'm like, madly in love with him"
"I just want to blow people's minds!"
"She said, 'Thats not even a coincidence. That is God telling you guys to get your heads out of your butts and get on and date!'"
"I'm falling for him, I know I am. Everyday the roots are sinking deeper and deeper into my heart, wrapping themselves around and around. And I don't know whether to stop it, or to leave it be."
So that's it for todays readings but there will be more to come. I'm so happy that I decided to keep journals (even though there was slight ribbing from my friends) because even though some of them may be silly and adolecsent, I love being able to go back and read in detail what was going in my life at a certain time. Your mind is a sive and it lets so many precious moments and memories fall through it. But by keeping a journal I get to go back to all of those times and relive the moment, and I get to know exactly what was going on in my head and in my heart. I love it.
In other news...
Mary and I had a wonderful date night last night. We went to the park, and then sat out in the thunderstorm and got soaking wet. Then we talked for about five hours straight. It was some awesome wife time that I desperatly needed. She has a way of bringing out the truth; even if I am lying to myself about it.
It brought about a lot a LOT of thoughts that I'm not sure I wanted but I know I needed. You can't lie to yourself forever you know. So the sooner you can dig it out of yourself, the sooner you can examine what is really going on inside.
I know a lot of you have been reading my latest blog entries. And there has been a move of God on my life. It's kind of slowing now as the enemy is bringing things up to my doorstep and leaving them there. There is a lot going on my head and heart, and I can't tell if its from God or from satan. Part of me believes that it may be God's plan, and thats why I'm going through it. But then the other part of me thinks that it is Satan trying to lure me away from my Lord and his awesome plans that he has for me. For now I'm at a loss, and my mind is just spinning in circles.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
A Peak Inside
Well, as all of you know, I talk a lot. I talk a lot about pretty inconsequential things, but I also talk a lot about my God (who is totally consequential, if that makes sense). But one thing I never talk about, is some of the real things that are going on inside. So today; I'm going to give you a peak inside.
I've had this thing; weighing on my heart for awhile now. Weighing heavily, and even pulling me down at times. Dating. Oh, thats right, I just went there. All of my friends have or have had boyfriends recently, and even not so recently. We are discussing dating in our small groups with the Junior Highers. Oh and the most fun of all; my mother has baby fever and keeps talking about when I'm going to have kids. And all I can keep thinking is that I'll probably never get married, so she shouldn't hold out much hope for grandchildren from me. I know, this may seem pathetic and very debby downer. But thats pretty much become my whole outlook on it.
I've been single for a little over two years now. Not by choice, but not because of lack of options either. It just hasn't been happening for me. And its very strange. I used to date quite frequently when I was younger, and now that I am older I don't date at all. Usually its the other way around, but of course I have to do things backwords. Now, at first I was ok with it. I mean, I'm not the type of girl that has to go from guy to guy to guy. I learn from the relationships that I've been in and I like to take time to be by myself and have me time. But that point kind of came and passed and I was still single. By then I was just about to get out of high school and leave for college, so I figured, 'hey, its a good thing I dont have a boyfriend.'
Then I got to UNI, and all I could think about (not literally ALL, but I thought about it a lot) was finding someone to date. I kept thinking, there has got to be someone here that I can find to date. But noda. Nothing. No one at all. I didn't even have any guys that were just friends. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Who knows.
I get home, and then I think, maybe God will bring someone to me here. But again nothing.
Then my mom gets the baby blues and gets me thinking about the marraige life. Yea, nothing like the marraige life to put you in a state of depression about your current dating situation. Now here is a huge oxi moron that has become my life for the past while. I was hopeless, and searching. I had no hope that I would ever find anyone, that I would ever meet a guy that would want me. And yet I was searching, searching searching trying to find someone who would.
It was two nights ago while I was showering and praying (ya, that is weird to some of you, but I like to multitask, and I find that I am most peaceful and tranquil then. So I find that its a good time to talk to God or sing worship songs to him) that he spoke to me. I was going to being my worship music in with me and play it, but I had forgotten, which I think is a good thing, and you'll see why.
So I'm standing there praying. Lord, please bring the right guy into my life. Please let me not end up alone for the rest of my life. God I hope that is not your plan for me because I don't think I can handle that. I need to be loved, I need to get married Lord. Maybe, if you just helped me to lose weight Lord (yea I went there too) Help me to look prettier. Something to help me find someone.
It was there that the Lord brought me to my knees. There was no prophetic voice, there were no angels or magic signs, I didn't have visions. Rather, I sat there in the silence with just the water beating around me. And I knew that it was just me and God. My daddy, showing me just how much I was loved. He told me that I AM beautiful. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. There is nothing wrong with me. I AM loveable and I am someone worth being with. He told me that he has a plan for me. Just like the puzzle peices with Southeatern, he's got something special in store just for me, and he'll reveal it to me in time. In HIS time.
So I'm not looking anymore. I'm not in a time of no dating aloud (although my guess is that I'll still be single for awhile longer), but rather I'm not searching anymore. I know that God has someone for me, and that in the right time I will find him, or he will find me. I'm no longer searching out relationships, and I'm no longer hopeless. I'm hopeFUL. I am FULL of hope that my Lord has a plan for my life. A plan that will make me happy, and a plan that will outshine my dreams. Because my Father loves me.
I'm not quite sure that this quite fits with the ending of this post, but I wanted to share. Last night Derek was preaching to the Junior Highers on dating. And at the end of it he said something that really stuck with me.
I've had this thing; weighing on my heart for awhile now. Weighing heavily, and even pulling me down at times. Dating. Oh, thats right, I just went there. All of my friends have or have had boyfriends recently, and even not so recently. We are discussing dating in our small groups with the Junior Highers. Oh and the most fun of all; my mother has baby fever and keeps talking about when I'm going to have kids. And all I can keep thinking is that I'll probably never get married, so she shouldn't hold out much hope for grandchildren from me. I know, this may seem pathetic and very debby downer. But thats pretty much become my whole outlook on it.
I've been single for a little over two years now. Not by choice, but not because of lack of options either. It just hasn't been happening for me. And its very strange. I used to date quite frequently when I was younger, and now that I am older I don't date at all. Usually its the other way around, but of course I have to do things backwords. Now, at first I was ok with it. I mean, I'm not the type of girl that has to go from guy to guy to guy. I learn from the relationships that I've been in and I like to take time to be by myself and have me time. But that point kind of came and passed and I was still single. By then I was just about to get out of high school and leave for college, so I figured, 'hey, its a good thing I dont have a boyfriend.'
Then I got to UNI, and all I could think about (not literally ALL, but I thought about it a lot) was finding someone to date. I kept thinking, there has got to be someone here that I can find to date. But noda. Nothing. No one at all. I didn't even have any guys that were just friends. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Who knows.
I get home, and then I think, maybe God will bring someone to me here. But again nothing.
Then my mom gets the baby blues and gets me thinking about the marraige life. Yea, nothing like the marraige life to put you in a state of depression about your current dating situation. Now here is a huge oxi moron that has become my life for the past while. I was hopeless, and searching. I had no hope that I would ever find anyone, that I would ever meet a guy that would want me. And yet I was searching, searching searching trying to find someone who would.
It was two nights ago while I was showering and praying (ya, that is weird to some of you, but I like to multitask, and I find that I am most peaceful and tranquil then. So I find that its a good time to talk to God or sing worship songs to him) that he spoke to me. I was going to being my worship music in with me and play it, but I had forgotten, which I think is a good thing, and you'll see why.
So I'm standing there praying. Lord, please bring the right guy into my life. Please let me not end up alone for the rest of my life. God I hope that is not your plan for me because I don't think I can handle that. I need to be loved, I need to get married Lord. Maybe, if you just helped me to lose weight Lord (yea I went there too) Help me to look prettier. Something to help me find someone.
It was there that the Lord brought me to my knees. There was no prophetic voice, there were no angels or magic signs, I didn't have visions. Rather, I sat there in the silence with just the water beating around me. And I knew that it was just me and God. My daddy, showing me just how much I was loved. He told me that I AM beautiful. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. There is nothing wrong with me. I AM loveable and I am someone worth being with. He told me that he has a plan for me. Just like the puzzle peices with Southeatern, he's got something special in store just for me, and he'll reveal it to me in time. In HIS time.
So I'm not looking anymore. I'm not in a time of no dating aloud (although my guess is that I'll still be single for awhile longer), but rather I'm not searching anymore. I know that God has someone for me, and that in the right time I will find him, or he will find me. I'm no longer searching out relationships, and I'm no longer hopeless. I'm hopeFUL. I am FULL of hope that my Lord has a plan for my life. A plan that will make me happy, and a plan that will outshine my dreams. Because my Father loves me.
I'm not quite sure that this quite fits with the ending of this post, but I wanted to share. Last night Derek was preaching to the Junior Highers on dating. And at the end of it he said something that really stuck with me.
Its not about finding someone you can live with. Its about finding someone that you can't live without.
Thats whats in store for me. A love like that. Someone who is unconditionally and wholly in love with me. So I will skip all of the inconsequential, meaningless flings that could have been happening in these past two years, and I will keep my eyes on my Father. For when the time is right I know I will find the right kind of love. A love blessed and given by him.
“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass … Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:4-7
Monday, March 28, 2011
Did you Know?
Did you know, just how amazing God is? Did you know, just how much God watches over us, and has this amazing intricate plan for our lives? I didn't.
I've been a God fearing Christian all my life. I have gone to church, I've read my Bible, and I've said my prayers. I've had moments on the mountain tops and I've spent lots of time looming in the valleys. But never did I know that God can work in the ways he does. Maybe I knew it, but I never really WHOLE heartedly believed it.
I'd heard stories of people saying that God is leading them here, and that God spoke to them. I've heard that this is the plan for thier lives and God had put it on their heart that this is right. I've heard it all. From Pastors, and missionaries, and friends. But this is one thing that I have never experienced. I don't know why that is.
I used to spend all of my prayer time asking God to show me his will on my life. To bring some sort of miraculous knowledge to my mind that I would know. I would beg the Lord to tell me if a certain guy was the right guy, The One. And I would never get my answer. I would ask and ask the Lord, to please tell me which road to take out of the vast majority of winding trails. Never would I know which to take. I had my suspisions of what would make me happy and what would be the best path to take, but I had never felt the move of God on my life. .Maybe I was too young, maybe I was not keen to the voice of God. Maybe I was asking, but I wasn't really listening. Who knows.
What I do know? Is that God DOES move. He can tell you, or he can put a move on your heart, or he can decide to leave you completely out of it and change the world around you to force it upon you. However he decides to do it, he moves in our lives. He moves in His timing, in His way. And after eighteen years of life, I am standing completely in awe and amazement at God.
I've done the church camp, where you feel the fire and the move on your life. I've done the powerful sermons that put a yearning in your heart, and make you feel something. I've done the struggling and feeling Gods love through it all. But now, NOW its different.
I have this unbelievable passion for God. I have this fire behind me that is making me feel things in a whole new light. For once, the instanse when my future is the hardest and most scary, all I can feel is happiness, contentedness (is that a word?), love, and God. He is moving in my life and I can feel it. He's changed my world, he's moved my heart, and he's spoken in my life. I'm at a point, and a high in my relationship with Him that I have never had before.
Today I was listening to worship music on my way to work, and I had gotten there a little early so I decided to listen to one of my favorites again while sitting in the parking lot. So I moved my chair back, cranked up the volume and closed my eyes. I let the serenity of the Holy One wash over me and consume me. My head was completely empty except for the sounds of the twinkling piano and guitar and my thoughts of my gracious God. When the song was over I opened my eyes and breathed a deep sigh of wholeness that filled me up. All I could say was Thank. You. God.
God is here. With me. And I am in Love. Period. And I wanted you to Know.
I've been a God fearing Christian all my life. I have gone to church, I've read my Bible, and I've said my prayers. I've had moments on the mountain tops and I've spent lots of time looming in the valleys. But never did I know that God can work in the ways he does. Maybe I knew it, but I never really WHOLE heartedly believed it.
I'd heard stories of people saying that God is leading them here, and that God spoke to them. I've heard that this is the plan for thier lives and God had put it on their heart that this is right. I've heard it all. From Pastors, and missionaries, and friends. But this is one thing that I have never experienced. I don't know why that is.
I used to spend all of my prayer time asking God to show me his will on my life. To bring some sort of miraculous knowledge to my mind that I would know. I would beg the Lord to tell me if a certain guy was the right guy, The One. And I would never get my answer. I would ask and ask the Lord, to please tell me which road to take out of the vast majority of winding trails. Never would I know which to take. I had my suspisions of what would make me happy and what would be the best path to take, but I had never felt the move of God on my life. .Maybe I was too young, maybe I was not keen to the voice of God. Maybe I was asking, but I wasn't really listening. Who knows.
What I do know? Is that God DOES move. He can tell you, or he can put a move on your heart, or he can decide to leave you completely out of it and change the world around you to force it upon you. However he decides to do it, he moves in our lives. He moves in His timing, in His way. And after eighteen years of life, I am standing completely in awe and amazement at God.
I've done the church camp, where you feel the fire and the move on your life. I've done the powerful sermons that put a yearning in your heart, and make you feel something. I've done the struggling and feeling Gods love through it all. But now, NOW its different.
I have this unbelievable passion for God. I have this fire behind me that is making me feel things in a whole new light. For once, the instanse when my future is the hardest and most scary, all I can feel is happiness, contentedness (is that a word?), love, and God. He is moving in my life and I can feel it. He's changed my world, he's moved my heart, and he's spoken in my life. I'm at a point, and a high in my relationship with Him that I have never had before.
Today I was listening to worship music on my way to work, and I had gotten there a little early so I decided to listen to one of my favorites again while sitting in the parking lot. So I moved my chair back, cranked up the volume and closed my eyes. I let the serenity of the Holy One wash over me and consume me. My head was completely empty except for the sounds of the twinkling piano and guitar and my thoughts of my gracious God. When the song was over I opened my eyes and breathed a deep sigh of wholeness that filled me up. All I could say was Thank. You. God.
God is here. With me. And I am in Love. Period. And I wanted you to Know.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Realization
So many of you know that this past week I was on a trip to Florida. I've decided to sum up my trip in one word phrases. I will explain a little later, but first, just let the words tell the story. Feel free, let your mind wander.
Flying, ears, pain, late, shorts, cooking, beach, roxanne, GPS, Bi-polar, Idiot, St. Augustine, cool, pew-pew-pew, ow, schizofrania, early, Southeastern, love, God, prostitute, newbies, late, GPS again, bye.
........................................................................................
I flew on my very first plane last Thursday. It was quite an experience. I loved it a lot, and I was very stoked to cross off my very first item on my bucket list. Another thing that awed me was the sun. In the Quad Cities it was a rather doom-and-gloom day. But once we were up in the air we got past the clouds and into the sun. It was like a pure wall of dark clouds and then this big bright sun. God does some awesome art work. Try and beat that Van Gough.
I am now at the point where I am excited for what is going to come, and I can hardly wait. A lot of you may have different points of views on this, but let me tell you this-
God is greater than distance
God is greater than your fears
God is greater than your connections
God knows what will make you happy
GOD knows, and he'll let you in on the secret if you ask.
God spoke this to me while I was sitting in Chapel at SEU:
'You are God, of all else I'm letting Go'
And that is exactly what I'm doing. I'm letting go of my fears, I'm letting go of my firm grasp on my family and friends, I'm letting go of what I do not know, I'm letting go of me and I'm giving it all to God. This is my life, and I am loving it.
I c a n n o t e x p l a i n t o y o u h o w e x p o n e n t i o l l y h a p p y I a m r i g h t n o w.
Flying, ears, pain, late, shorts, cooking, beach, roxanne, GPS, Bi-polar, Idiot, St. Augustine, cool, pew-pew-pew, ow, schizofrania, early, Southeastern, love, God, prostitute, newbies, late, GPS again, bye.
........................................................................................
I flew on my very first plane last Thursday. It was quite an experience. I loved it a lot, and I was very stoked to cross off my very first item on my bucket list. Another thing that awed me was the sun. In the Quad Cities it was a rather doom-and-gloom day. But once we were up in the air we got past the clouds and into the sun. It was like a pure wall of dark clouds and then this big bright sun. God does some awesome art work. Try and beat that Van Gough.
But then at the end of both of my flights I got a pain in my ears. Now I know the first thing that is going to come out of your mouh, 'you should've chewed gum!' I am here to tell you that I was chewing gum. I was chewing it vigorously. My jaw hurt because I was chewing my gum so hard to try and get this pain to go away. But it didn't. It got worse and worse. It felt like someone was stabbing my ears with knives, and I was literally sitting there in tears because it hurt so bad. I thought it was interesting and made flying a little less fun.
I got there at 1230 and we didn't get to Anna's till 330. Needless to say, I was exhausted. We did a lot of cooking all week long, which was a blast.
We went to the beach, which was 15 minutes away from Anna's home. And we used her GPS (first the husband GPS, then the real one) and it took us 2 and a half hours to get to that stinking beach. It was insane. Then on the beach we met Roxanne (who we named) and she thought she was some hot stuff on this beach.
*picture to come of dear Roxanne*
Then on the way home, Anna thought she was smarter than the GPS but got us lost.
I finally went on a college visit to the college that I have wanted to go to for three years. I am so happy that my very dear friend encouraged me to go and look at it, because it is going to change my life.
I went on the visit and I fell in LOVE. The campus is beautiful, the people are great, and God is everywhere! It was like, everything I've ever been looking for in a school.
I feel like I've been on a journey the past few months. I started walking down this path and God laid out a puzzle peice in front of me. He then told me to pick up this puzzle peice and continue on. Don't question the puzzle peice, don't worry about it. Just pick it up, remember it, and keep on going.
Then while I'm walking, I come upon another puzzle peice. Slowly I begin to pick up more and more and suddenly I have this little stash starting to form. Then I got to Southeastern and God took all of these puzzle peices from me and laid them out before my very eyes.
He showed me my past, my present and my ever dear future. He showed me what my life will be like. He showed me what he wanted from me, and what he wanted for me. I saw it all so clearly, and there wasn't even a question in my mind.
I always thought that if the day ever came when I would make this decision that there would be some sort of questioning, or worrying. Its a big decision to move so far away. But when its right, its right. God totally put my heart at ease, and that was the final peice in the puzzle. I knew; beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is right,
I prayed and prayed and prayed that I would be able to know what I was supposed to know. That God would speak to me, and boy did he ever.
God is greater than distance
God is greater than your fears
God is greater than your connections
God knows what will make you happy
GOD knows, and he'll let you in on the secret if you ask.
God spoke this to me while I was sitting in Chapel at SEU:
'You are God, of all else I'm letting Go'
And that is exactly what I'm doing. I'm letting go of my fears, I'm letting go of my firm grasp on my family and friends, I'm letting go of what I do not know, I'm letting go of me and I'm giving it all to God. This is my life, and I am loving it.
I c a n n o t e x p l a i n t o y o u h o w e x p o n e n t i o l l y h a p p y I a m r i g h t n o w.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Miles and Minutes
Had a wonderful night with my lovely friends tonight. Just sitting around and eating pie, and chatting. Chatting about lots of life things, boys, girls, friends, work, school etc... etc... It was wonderful to get together again and just talk, because a lot of us are busy and never really get the chance to talk to eachother.
Spending even these small few minutes out of my week with these important people was wonderful. I realized how little I get to see these dear friends, and how much more I should cherish my time with them.
Lately I've been considering some big changes in my life and I'm torn as to what I'm supposed to do. There has been a lot of prayer, a lot of research and a lot LOT of list making going on. And no matter how much I talk about it, or no matter how many lists I make out, its not getting me closer to my decision.
There are a lot of consequences to think about, and a lot of things that are going to result from my making of this decision. And that is a lot of pressure for me. I can't make decisions as it is, but then theres this huge life changing thing, and I don't know what to do...
It's a lot of change, and a lot of thought. Things I think I may need in my life. So maybe this is a good thing. I'm hoping and praying that this is a good thing.
Spending even these small few minutes out of my week with these important people was wonderful. I realized how little I get to see these dear friends, and how much more I should cherish my time with them.
Lately I've been considering some big changes in my life and I'm torn as to what I'm supposed to do. There has been a lot of prayer, a lot of research and a lot LOT of list making going on. And no matter how much I talk about it, or no matter how many lists I make out, its not getting me closer to my decision.
There are a lot of consequences to think about, and a lot of things that are going to result from my making of this decision. And that is a lot of pressure for me. I can't make decisions as it is, but then theres this huge life changing thing, and I don't know what to do...
It's a lot of change, and a lot of thought. Things I think I may need in my life. So maybe this is a good thing. I'm hoping and praying that this is a good thing.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Confessions
Lately I have been in a deep state of thought. Lots of things going in and out. Mostly they are just staying in and mulling around up in there.
Many of you have heard me say that working at a daycare has made me not want to have kids until I am 40. That was for many reasons. I see all of these poor little children get dropped off at five or six in the morning, and then they don't get picked up until five or six at night. While they are at daycare, that is their home. They spend more awake and functioning hours at that place, than they do in their own home with their parents. And this is the price these children pay for their parents wanting careers, or wanting children at the wrong time. Now I try as hard as I can not to pass judgement on these parents, because yes, I know I know, everyone has their reasons and I don't know the whole story there, but still. This is the basic story of many of the children there. Also, I have seen parents with their children trying to live their lives. They can't really go anywhere or do anything because they have their children to take care of. Their world is no longer about them, it is all about their children.
Now not to sound selfish, but I am going to here in the next few minutes. Seeing these things is why I didn't want to have children until later on. Because things had changed since I was 10, and I didn't want to be a stay at home mom anymore. I had all of these plans for a big career and for lots of things to happen after college. I wanted lots of things in my life, and I did not want a child to interfere with that. I also wanted to the freedom to live my life. To spend years with my husband. I wanted to be able to travel, to go out with friends, to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it without the restraint of children at my side. All of these things were at the forfront of my mind and no child was going to change that. I would wait a long time until I was old and seasoned, and then I would bring a child into the world. That was my plan, and I was ok with it.
Now I bet all of you are thinking, omg, she's pregnant. Haha, no I most certainly am not. But I have been thinking about my future life and motherhood lately. Things have been shifting around and my priorities are re-aligning. A career is no longer as important to me, living my life is no longer important to me. Sure its there, but its not what I'm reaching for the most.
I have been reading a blog lately, by a mother. She loves her children dearly and spends every moment that she can with them. She absolutley adores her children, and you can see the unconditional love that she has for them. That is the missing puzzle peice that I could not find when considering having children. All I could ever see was the negativety of having children, and see these children basically abandoned at a daycare for twelve hours a day. I was missing the thing that makes having children such a beauty. I wasn't seeing the love, the wonderment and the joy of having and raising a child of your very own.
This is what I want. And now that I have realized this, things have changed. Sure, I would like to have a few years with my husband before I do have children. But when the day comes that I do bring a child into this world, I want to be there for my child. I want to love that child with my whole heart and I want to be there for every step, leap and fall.
Now I know that I have spent all of my Sunday afternoon doing homework, and preparing schoolwork. And I know that I am not ready to have a husband, child or family. But I now know that I am ready to start getting there.
Many of you have heard me say that working at a daycare has made me not want to have kids until I am 40. That was for many reasons. I see all of these poor little children get dropped off at five or six in the morning, and then they don't get picked up until five or six at night. While they are at daycare, that is their home. They spend more awake and functioning hours at that place, than they do in their own home with their parents. And this is the price these children pay for their parents wanting careers, or wanting children at the wrong time. Now I try as hard as I can not to pass judgement on these parents, because yes, I know I know, everyone has their reasons and I don't know the whole story there, but still. This is the basic story of many of the children there. Also, I have seen parents with their children trying to live their lives. They can't really go anywhere or do anything because they have their children to take care of. Their world is no longer about them, it is all about their children.
Now not to sound selfish, but I am going to here in the next few minutes. Seeing these things is why I didn't want to have children until later on. Because things had changed since I was 10, and I didn't want to be a stay at home mom anymore. I had all of these plans for a big career and for lots of things to happen after college. I wanted lots of things in my life, and I did not want a child to interfere with that. I also wanted to the freedom to live my life. To spend years with my husband. I wanted to be able to travel, to go out with friends, to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it without the restraint of children at my side. All of these things were at the forfront of my mind and no child was going to change that. I would wait a long time until I was old and seasoned, and then I would bring a child into the world. That was my plan, and I was ok with it.
Now I bet all of you are thinking, omg, she's pregnant. Haha, no I most certainly am not. But I have been thinking about my future life and motherhood lately. Things have been shifting around and my priorities are re-aligning. A career is no longer as important to me, living my life is no longer important to me. Sure its there, but its not what I'm reaching for the most.
I have been reading a blog lately, by a mother. She loves her children dearly and spends every moment that she can with them. She absolutley adores her children, and you can see the unconditional love that she has for them. That is the missing puzzle peice that I could not find when considering having children. All I could ever see was the negativety of having children, and see these children basically abandoned at a daycare for twelve hours a day. I was missing the thing that makes having children such a beauty. I wasn't seeing the love, the wonderment and the joy of having and raising a child of your very own.
This is what I want. And now that I have realized this, things have changed. Sure, I would like to have a few years with my husband before I do have children. But when the day comes that I do bring a child into this world, I want to be there for my child. I want to love that child with my whole heart and I want to be there for every step, leap and fall.
Now I know that I have spent all of my Sunday afternoon doing homework, and preparing schoolwork. And I know that I am not ready to have a husband, child or family. But I now know that I am ready to start getting there.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Right Now
Right Now I am doing everything and I am doing nothing. There are things that important and things that mean absolutley nothing, and I'm doing them all. I feel complacent. And yet I feel simultaneously happy. Right now I feel kind of a vast array of emotions and thats ok.
Right Now I have a million different things going through my head and I wish I knew which path to take out of the seventy dirt roads spreading out before me. I am peaking down each one, just trying to get a glimpse at what my future would be like if I were to take it, and wondering if it is going to make me happy. I don't know what to do and I really wish I did. Right now, I am wishing that I had some sort of secret Book OF life, where I can look inside of it and see what my answers are supposed to be.
I have people asking me what I'm doing and why I'm doing it, and all I can say is that, because it feels right. But thats not good enough because I need to have a list of priorities, and I need to make sure that I am doing what is going to fulfill my priorities and make me have a good life. And that is a lot of pressure to put on one measly college age student. I have my priorities, but it is very hard to know exactly which direction is going to bring me the greatest success.
So, right now, I have no idea. I'm going to go where the Lord leads me. I'm going to do what feels right, I'm going to do what makes me happy. I'm going to do it, because its my decision and I'm making it for me.
Right Now... I'm living life for me.
Right Now I have a million different things going through my head and I wish I knew which path to take out of the seventy dirt roads spreading out before me. I am peaking down each one, just trying to get a glimpse at what my future would be like if I were to take it, and wondering if it is going to make me happy. I don't know what to do and I really wish I did. Right now, I am wishing that I had some sort of secret Book OF life, where I can look inside of it and see what my answers are supposed to be.
I have people asking me what I'm doing and why I'm doing it, and all I can say is that, because it feels right. But thats not good enough because I need to have a list of priorities, and I need to make sure that I am doing what is going to fulfill my priorities and make me have a good life. And that is a lot of pressure to put on one measly college age student. I have my priorities, but it is very hard to know exactly which direction is going to bring me the greatest success.
So, right now, I have no idea. I'm going to go where the Lord leads me. I'm going to do what feels right, I'm going to do what makes me happy. I'm going to do it, because its my decision and I'm making it for me.
Right Now... I'm living life for me.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Post of the New Year
So its a New Year. Its a fresh slate. The world is your oyster. There is an ocean of possibilities in front of you. The only question is, will you reach out and take it? Will you take a leap of faith and explore a world full of open doors and windows?
My answer is yes. I am very tired of living the same old life, and doing the same old thing. I am getting very bored with the way things are, and I want to do something about it. I'm ready to make a change, I'm ready to endeavor on an exciting new adventure. I am ready for life. Full tank, feel speed, full time.
2011, bring it on!
My answer is yes. I am very tired of living the same old life, and doing the same old thing. I am getting very bored with the way things are, and I want to do something about it. I'm ready to make a change, I'm ready to endeavor on an exciting new adventure. I am ready for life. Full tank, feel speed, full time.
2011, bring it on!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)