Change

Today I was walking to one of my classes, and there was a lot of religous things happening on campus (i.e. there were men in suits handing out bibles, and people with rather large signs yelling about heaven and hell) and it got my mind turning in circles about God and his love and his plans for me. And that's when I felt it. I don't remember ever feeling it before, but I just felt God's love circle around me and fill up inside of me, and I felt completely filled with love and happiness. Then all of a sudden the clouds fell apart and there was sun shining all around me and there was a gust of beautiful fall wind the came up behind me. Now this can be justified as just a feeling, and just mother nature, but I being the believer that I am, and knowing exactly how it felt, know that it was God pouring out and shining down his love upon me.

I've been pondering for awhile about the things that I want to happen, and what I think I should be doing to get where I think I need to be going. And I've realized that its really easy to get caught up in these kinds of things and forget who holds our lives in the palm of his hand. I can do anything I want to do, but in the end, it's Gods path that I'm going to want to end up on. He has this timing, and its miraculous, becuase its perfect timing. He has a plan, a time, and a season for everything. And I can push all I want to try and make something happen, but it wont happen (or it wont happen right) until God's hand is fully in it and upon it.

This is where I faulter. Yes, I love God, with everything in my being, and I believe that he should have utter and complete control over my life. But even though I do believe that, its harder to do. I find myself constantly trying to find solutions to all these problems that I find in my life, either that or I just find myself fretting over these problems for a long time and I end up letting it get the best of me and its all that I can think about. Just last week, I found myself faced with a dilema, and I thought about it and I called my parents to ask for advice, and then I prayed about it (and yes, I did do this in backwards order of what I should have) but I decided that I would put it in God's hands and that whatever happened, it was his will, and that it was what he wanted. Then yesterday when I got the news, I wasn't at all content with it and found myself wondering if I wasn't good enough. And I had to keep on telling myself that it was what was supposed to happen, and that God knows what he's doing and I don't.

So, I really have no big inspiration, or a philosophical statement. More just some things that were on my mind and some things that are going on in my life. I'm praying hard that I can be who God wants me to be, and not fret about things that I think matter.

It will happen in time. His time.