A little Bit...

There's a bit of my soul that wants to let go. There's a bit of my heart that wants to hold on. There's a part of me that wants to know what needs to happen, and a portion that dosn't know what to do. I feel differently about it everyday, and I never feel the same. Sometimes I'm obsessed, sometimes I just don't care. SOMETIMES, I have no idea. Most often than not, I have no idea. But thats just me. And its a part of me that makes me who I am. I dont know if God intended it to be this way, or if I just am becuase somewhere I screwed up. Most of the time, I figure that I just screwed up. I haven't been able to step foward, and I thought that was out of choice, because I was just waiting. But now I'm wondering if I really just can't. Maybe its God who is holding out? Or maybe its me, who is... well, screwed up. Maybe I'm not at the right place, maybe its not the right time. MAYBE, its not meant for me? No. Not it at all. I'm not broken anymore, and I don't hurt anymore. So I dont understand why instead of moving foward, I'm just becoming spread further and further, as my desires and wants in life move foward, while my feet are planted firmly in the past. HONESTLY, honestly, h o n e s t l y. . . Thats just it. I become honest and stop telling myself stories, and I dont know where to go or what to get at. I can't fix myself, this is why I've given it over to the Lord. Whatever his will is, I will be ready and willing for it come.

I've already put this into practice into other areas of my life, and I am proud to say that I have a decision that I am very happy about and I know that is something that is going to bring G R E A T joy and peace to my heart. I am so excited to take this step of faith and see where God is going to lead me with it. After such a long time of tormenting myself and just being torn over what was the right decision, and what was the smart, I am just happy to be instilled with this peace over what I am going to be doing. And as a great friend of mine once said, "Wherever you go, God will open doors for you" and I know that my time was not for nothing, that I have planted some seeds, and I also know that as I keep moving foward that God will open a tremendous amount of doors in my life.